When Breastfeeding Doesn’t Work
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From the featured blog, Dear Crissy
On August 3rd, 2009, I gave birth to my tremendously handsome son, Evan. As a first time mother, I spent most of my nine months of pregnancy wondering what life would be like once my baby was born. I knew that while there would be many new challenges and perhaps even surprises in store for me, I could be certain of two things. First, that I would love my baby and strive to be the best mother possible, and second, that I would breastfeed. Loving my baby was a piece of cake. From the moment I saw his face, it was a done deal–I was hooked. I wish I could say that my goal of breastfeeding was so easy.
When the nurse brought Evan to me after the initial rigmarole of measurements and testing, she told me it was time for him to have his first meal; I was ready to jump right in. I did have some success breastfeeding initially, but during the next two days in the hospital, latching became increasingly difficult, and I spent hours working with the nurses and lactation consultants on staff. At this point I was both physically and mentally exhausted, but still hopeful that we would get the hang of things. Before I took my son home from the hospital, I received a lesson in pumping, but felt confident that I would be feeding from the breast, and reaping the benefits of that skin-to-skin contact soon enough.
After arriving home, I continued to try to breastfeed my son every couple hours. When you are facing failures at such frequent intervals, it really begins to drain you emotionally. Why wasn’t my baby latching? Was I doing something wrong? Why was this so hard? As I continued to struggle, I managed to keep up with a rigorous pumping routine. After four weeks, the pumping was just not enough to keep my supply up. My milk dwindled, and then dried up. Feeling devastated and somewhat hopeless, I got in my car, went to the grocery store, and bought a can of powdered formula.
It took me weeks of tears and deep heartache to finally accept the way things were. I had failed to breastfeed my son–something that I was so sure would be an integral part of motherhood for me. I felt guilty, I felt inadequate, and I felt that I had been robbed of something very special.
As I write about these memories, I cringe a little inside. Writing about the topic of breastfeeding almost always stirs up a range of reactions from other mothers, and I feel compelled to explain myself. Yes, I know how important breastfeeding is. I know that it is the best start for a child. I know that formula will never stack up to breast milk in any number of ways. I know. I know. Could I have given my effort more time? Probably. Could I have called in another lactation specialist? Sure. Honestly, after writing almost an entire paragraph now, disclaiming my experience, I realize that this wound is still open, and that while I probably don’t need to be so defensive about my choices, I am.
Recently, I believe I discovered the reason Evan had such a hard time breastfeeding. He seems to have a tight upper frenulum, which is the connective tissue between the lip and gum. I have this too, and I am not sure why it never occurred to me that it may have been passed down. Older children often undergo a simple surgery to cut the tissue, but in my case, it has never been enough of an issue to merit “fixing”.
Evan is now 6-months-old, and absolutely thriving. He is bright, healthy, and did I mention tremendously handsome? I didn’t have time to feel inadequate forever, I mean, taking care of a baby is a demanding job! I was able to come to terms with the reality of my own experience, and you know, regardless of what some may say, formula is not the devil–and I am not the devil (or a bad mother) because it’s what I feed my baby.
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Comment by Annie on Feb 24 2010 11:41:26:
Good for you for writing this! I know other moms can be incredibly, and unreasonably, judgmental when it comes to breastfeeding. Parenthood is full of the unexpected, and the only way to get through it is to roll with the punches. As long as your son is healthy, it shouldn’t matter how he gets there. Congrats on being a new mommy too! My youngest was born 8/21/09 so he is just a few weeks younger than yours.
Comment by Melissa on Feb 24 2010 11:46:01:
So glad to read that I’m not alone.
I breastfed my first son for 4 weeks, then weaned. I breastfed my second son for 2 weeks, then weaned. Both times a lactation consultant could find no specific physical cause for our problems; they latched well, my supply was abundant. But their suck was just so strong and they were so impatient/finicky that I ended up bleeding (which different treatments failed to heal) and crying every time I fed them–and I decided it was probably MORE traumatic for them to scream and cry every time they ate, and look up at their MOM crying and in pain, than to just switch to formula.
Everything we’re told and everything we read makes it seem like breastfeeding should just come naturally, that it will “get better/easier,” but it doesn’t always work that way. No one should judge a mother for choosing formula, for any reason.
I still wish it would have been a better experience. I’m glad I did it for even a short time. But you know what? I have two healthy, happy boys, and in the end that’s all that matters.
Your son is lucky to have such a conscientious, loving mother. Thank you for your honesty!
Comment by Leigh on Feb 24 2010 11:48:27:
I’m so sorry that Breastfeeding was such a struggle for you. My second son and I had a hard time at the begining too. He would just scream at my breast for half an hour and it was so heartbreaking. I remember thinking “Someone please just tell me that I can’t do this and he needs formula!” I stuck it out though and we were able to master it. I can feel your pain at some level though. The struggle is devastating when you are hormonal and tired.
Comment by Amanda on Feb 25 2010 12:23:11:
I had a terrible time as well–my son was tongue-tied and I had to go from place to place practically begging pediatricians and then finally ENT specialists to perform the quick scissor snip that would make him able to latch…meanwhile he had lost a ton of weight and was dehydrated and I was pumping around the clock using a professional-grade breastpump. Oh yeah, and I developed a raging case of mastitis and stopped sleeping. At all.
Luckily, I did 2 things: perservered (with both the tongue snip and the breastfeeding) and contacted a lactation consultant. Most hospitals have at least one affiliated with them, and if not your OB/GYN can certainly point you in the right direction. No one should have to “go it alone” when there are so many resources available, from lactation consultants to local chapters of La Leche League. Do NOT be afraid to utilize these resources! Breastfeeding is not always easy at first, and I stared longingly at those cases of formula and was very, very tempted. But I’m so glad I didn’t give in–I went on to nurse my son for 23 months! He’s now 3, in preschool, and has been sick exactly zero times this winter. Actually, I can’t even remember the last time he was sick. Hooray for antibodies!
Comment by cat on Feb 25 2010 01:31:16:
Thank you for this article. I went through a similar experience with the difference that I gave birth to a 9 lbs 14 oz baby and my supply was just not enough. I didn’t know I felt so strongly about breast feeding, but after pumping and hiring militant lactation consultants that made me feel like I was doing something wrong, many days of crying, sleeplessness and frustration, I finally stopped trying 3 months later. I figured he had gotten at least one ounce worth of that oh so vital breast milk per feeding, or perhaps per day.
He is now two and a half year old, so healthy, smart, and at about 98% percentile in height and weight. It seems kids can turn out just fine if they are formula fed. And perhaps breast feeding is not for everyone, and there ARE other ways to bond. It is just so sad that we are made to feel incompetent, selfish, inadequate, just because we can’t, or choose, not to breast feed.
We don’t need others’ sympathy, nothing BAD has happened. It is just a different way – and it would be great if mothers did not judge other mothers for this.
Comment by Suzanne on Feb 25 2010 02:17:06:
Funny, I wrote my own story not that long ago and it was very similar to yours – with my second son, I was SO ready to breastfeed (after nursing his older brother for just under a year)…but he had other plans. Daily visits to the lactation nurse didn’t help figure out why he just didn’t latch (or did serious damage in trying), and trying to balance breastfeeding attempts, militant pumping, AND care of my toddler nearly drove me to the edge. Could I have finally breastfed if I had “stuck it out”? Possibly, but likely at the expense of my sanity and my family’s sense of balance. My healthy, happy, bright formula fed boy just turned 6 months old, and his healthy, happy, bright breastfed brother is about to be 3. My feeling is, do what works for ALL aspects of your life and your family – the important thing is the act of caring for our kids, not the road we take.
Comment by Fearless Formula Feeder on Feb 25 2010 05:55:07:
I can’t begin to tell you how much I can relate to your story. My breastfeeding experience was very similar, except ultimately it was a milk protein allergy that did me in (I had committed to exclusive pumping since my son couldn’t latch – even AFTER his frenulectomy – but once we knew my milk was making him sick, we switched to formula).
I felt so much guilt and conflict that I started blogging about it. And it has been so healing, in no small part because of women like you who are brave enough to talk openly about these things. You did your best, and contrary to what the media-touted studies suggest, outcomes for formula fed kids when ALL confounding factors are included are pretty much the same as breastfed kids for all the “big” stuff. Yes, there is a higher incidence of ear infection and diarrhea, but a lot of that can be mitigated by using the right bottle etiquette and the right formula. So hang in there, momma…and know that there are other women who share your pain. Stop by the blog if you ever want to “chat”.
Comment by Elizabeth from Indiana on Feb 25 2010 07:18:36:
I also went through your experience. I tried, struggled, pumped, and cried; my baby went from healthy to dehydrated and yellow, so, to my everlasting guilt and feelings of inadequacy, I started supplementing with formula. It helped a lot to feed as much as I was physically able to, and then to back it up with formula. I currently have a bright, happy, fat, thriving 8-month-old, so I guess I didn’t do too badly. I would VASTLY have preferred to breastfeed, but not all of us are physically able to. It also doesn’t help that you get a guilt trip on the formula package (right above the preparation directions) as well. Don’t beat yourself up. You did your best, and that’s all anyone can do.
Comment by Becky Richards on Feb 25 2010 01:46:26:
Contrary to what most people believe…up until recently breastfeeding has not been so popular. I was not breastfed, my siblings were not breastfed and no one I know that is in their 30′s or 40′s was breastfed either. While breast probably is best, it is not the ideal situation for everyone. I tried to breastfeed with my first son who absolutely refused it. He would scream and turn his head every time I attempted to feed him. He ended up very jaundice and malnourished and I was told by the pediatrician after three days that I must feed him formula – I had NO problem with this. When I came home from the hospital things only got worse with the breastfeeding and his weight was continuing to drop so I immediately started him on formula. I do not have any regrets about this and could not be happier that I formula fed from week 2. My son is a healthy, happy well adjusted 18 month old and NEVER got sick as an infant (most people believe that breastmilk builds an immunity to illness and that formula fed babies are always sick). Breastfeeding should be choice and those who decide not to breastfeed should not be looked down upon.
Comment by Janice on Feb 25 2010 01:53:51:
Thanks for your story. I also knew when I got pregnant that I was going to breastfeed. I didn’t even buy bottles.Unfortunately my beautiful baby boy began to lose weight and my pediatriacian told me I had to supplement. I cried. I had read the books and had the nurse at the hospital show me what to do. What I wasn’t told was that because I had lumpectomies on both breasts that I might not be able to make enough milk. I did ask my ob but he said it shouldn’t be a problem. I felt so much guilt that I couldn’t breastfeed and it didn’t help that the checkout people at the stores would say that breastmilk is best when I had to buy formula. I kept it up for five months but realized that I was still feeding him a whole bottle even after trying to nurse. I also noticed that his eczema healed when I stopped nursing. I eventually found out that he was allergic to nuts which I loved. My baby is now a happy, healthy 3yr old and I learned not to stress myself out over the things I can’t control.
Good luck and enjoy your baby.
Comment by burntsienna on Feb 25 2010 04:14:27:
If you were to have this baby say a few thousand years ago and he had trouble latching because of his lip, and no matter how hard you tried, he couldn’t feed adequately, the outcome would have been much, much worse. That would have been survival of the fittest at work.
But you don’t live back then and there are other options. So rather than feel guilty for something that sounds like it wasn’t necessarily in your control, feel fortunate that you were able to still give him the nutrition he needs to thrive and that he is thriving with this small “impairment”. That is the beauty of our modern world – we’ve outsmarted nature on a lot of things to ensure a better chance of survival. So, you didn’t get to breastfeed, but you did try. In the end, you did what you knew was best for your child and that makes you a good mother.
Comment by ashlee on Feb 25 2010 05:24:30:
I am so glad you wrote this, Crissy. I did not breastfeed my first baby, and boy, did I receive slack. I can remember it like it was yesterday. There were many contributing factors that led to me ‘giving up’. My mother had died just a few weeks prior to my baby’s birth. She would have been my number one source of support during the transition from pregnancy to motherhood. I felt completely and totally lost in the world. My transition period was almost unbearable. When I started having troubles with latching, I opted to ‘go it alone’ simply because I was too devastated to seek help elsewhere. In the end, it did not work out. I heard EVERYTHING. “Oh, your poor baby.” “Your baby won’t be as healthy, and you’ll be to blame.” “You should have tried harder and stuck it out.” I don’t recall anyone saying to me, “I understand what you are going through. Choose a route that alleviates stress for you, and move forward.” People need to darn well learn not to be so judgmental about lifestyle choices that others make. We all have individual factors that guide our decision-making, and it is simply disrespectful to sit back and enforce your attitudes on others without taking the time to hear their side.
For the record, I did go on to breastfeed my second child – for nearly 3 years. I did it for many reasons. First, to give her the best start in life. Second, to prove to myself that I was capable of doing it. Third, to tell the world that their assumptions of me were dead wrong.
People also need to stop telling their stories of ‘perseverence’ to those who are not so lucky. People cope in different ways. What works for one person does not necessarily work for another.
Comment by Jess Nye on Feb 25 2010 05:51:21:
Yes, I totally agree with the previous comment that people need to please stop posting stories of “perseverence.” It’s offensive, considering this blog post’s content. And by the way, here is a different kind of story about breastfeeding “perseverence-” my now 21 month old HATED breastfeeding. Hated it. But it was so much a part of how I wanted to parent that I just couldn’t accept that he’d rather have a bottle. After all, my 10 year old daughter was breastfed throughout her toddler years and it was a great experience for both of us. So I literally forced my son, on the advice of a lactation consultant, to nurse as he would twist and cry to get away. I felt rejected, he was being forced to do something that he hated, and it greatly impaired our bonding for the ten months I “persevered” with it. When he was 10 months old I got pregnant, my supply dropped, and I gave him a bottle of formula. He loved it and finally our feeding times became pleasurable and peaceful and that’s when we started to bond. I felt badly about him not getting breastmilk until I started to read the actual studies and reviews of studies about the supposed vast superiority of breastmilk and realized that no studies have been performed in such a way that there is any proof at all that breastmilk is so superior- only suggestive evidence. Do I think breastmilk has an edge over formula health-wise? Yup. Is it enough of an edge to justify not connecting with my second child for the first ten months of his life? No way. I always have to laugh now when people call formula feeders selfish. For me, one of my biggest regrets in life is my selfishness in persisting to breastfeed my child when I knew he hated it, just to self-actualize my idea of what a great mom was.
Comment by Lisa on Feb 25 2010 06:12:02:
Crissy,
THANK YOU for writing this!!! I had the exact same experiance with my son Gavin, born 2/25/08! I had this in vision in my head, “I will only give him the best, I will only breastfeed, etc”. Gavin also had a ‘tight upper frenulum’- which was figured out after 2 weeks of trying and trying, he wouldn’t attach.
Thank you again for posting, its good to hear that others went through the same thing!
Hugs, Lisa
Comment by Cindi on Feb 25 2010 06:50:17:
Dear Crissy,
I’m so sorry that you had such a bad experience! I too, have felt that sorrow and anguish that “failing” at breastfeeding can bring. It smacked right at the soul of my womanhood. It was devestating. To hear people say, “but, dear, it’s not that important, babies do just fine on formula” was very insulting to my loss and grief. Like I was a child with a broken toy and they were patting my head and saying, “don’t worry about it, that toy wasn’t that good anyway, we’ll get you another”
Anytime you lose something, whether it’s a parent, a child, a job, a spouse to divorce, or even the dream of breastfeeding your child, you’ve LOST and need to go through the grieving process.
Forumula isn’t poison, but there ARE numerous studies on the negative health effects of it. It’s not something to be given for no good reason. And yes, there are children who seem to beat the odds and not suffer some of those ill effects. On the other hand, there are numerous studies that show that children who are not restrained in car seats are at a higher risk for being killed or seriously hurt in a car crash. Yet, I got all kinds of grief from my mother and MIL when my babies were little and we had to take two cars someplace because 2 carseats took up all the room. “After all, we never had car seats when I had babies and they are all just fine!” “What?, are you suggesting that I wasn’t a good mother because you were never in a car seat?”
So this really isn’t about whether forumla is good or bad or whether a child can beat the odds or not. It’s about being a good mother and feeding your baby the best way you can. If that means forumla then that is what has to be. The odds of a child starving from not being fed are MUCH greater than the odds of illness from formula! So if one can’t breastfeed, then one HAS to give formula. There is no GUILT in that.
But don’t let anyone tell you that there’s nothing to grieve for. Grieve, move past it and mother to the best of your abilities. That’s all anyone can ask of you! That’s all you can ask of yourself.
So I guess, what I’m asking is, PLEASE don’t downplay the anguish that goes with not succeding at something that is important to someone else. Don’t give little platitudes, like “formula is just as good”. Don’t give them to yourselves either. Acknowledge what is lost. Go through the grieving process. Educate yourself, like you did Chrissy, as to WHY it didn’t work for you so that if life ever gives you another opportunity, you might be able to succeed.
And don’t take other’s stories of persistance as a judgement on you. Take them as a commiseration of your situation and be happy for them that they were not in your shoes. Maybe take heart from them that persistance is possible. You’ll get plenty of opportunity to show persistance as a mother, believe me! Wait till they’re 2 and constantly saying no… see how persistant you are about not giving in to tantrums… and at 16 with the roll the eyes thing teenage girls have! LOLOL
So, I “failed” at breastfeeding my two boys… but I educated myself and when my 3rd was born she was breastfed and my 4th. I don’t feel “guilty” that I fed my boys formula. I feel angry and betrayed by the health care system that told me all the wrong things. I feel sorrow that I was so young in mind at the time and of the mindset to do what I was told rather than what I felt was right. I feel cheated that I was born in the wrong time and the internet wasn’t there to just look things up. And I feel proud that I “persevered” and tried again with my 3rd.
I made up my mind that I would NEVER tell another mom who was going through what I went through that it was ok and not to worry about it, that formula was just fine, that breastfeeding wasn’t important, blah, blah, blah. I would just be there, feel empathy, help her if I could and if I couldn’t just try and help her get through the pain and move on. The pain DOES go away. Time DOES heal. But not as easily or as quickly if you deny and bury the feelings.
Sorry this is so long, but I do thank you Crissy for sharing your grief. I really feel for you and I wish you the best.
Comment by megan on Feb 25 2010 07:18:30:
I often judge mothers for not breastfeeding their children, mostly due to the fact that people around me chose not to because of their laziness. It was refreshing to read this and see that you did try very hard, I breastfeed, but man do I hate pumping! It is very time consuming and i do not like to sit still. So it is amazing the effort you put into it. You cannot blame yourself that it didn’t work out, you tried your very hardest. Breast feeding came pretty naturally to my daughter but I guess I never understand what an effort it takes if they don’t take right away! Thanks for opening My eyes & Mind!!!
Comment by Melanie on Feb 25 2010 11:44:52:
Thank you Crissy and others for your stories. It’s nice to know that other mom have gone through this too. My mom friends seemed to have no problems. My son was born Jan 09. I was looking forward to breasting feeding SO MUCH. At the hospital, everything went really well. Cael was latching on beautifully. I felt confident about it b/c I had read everything I could get my hands on about breastfeeding. However, my problem couldn’t be solved by my books. The day after we got home from the hospital, Cael only had 1 wet and no dirty diapers and he was starving. I kept trying to feed him and we were doing everything right but he was still starving. We broke down and bought formula. My milk never came in. The pediatrician said to give it a couple of days- still nothing. (Really on a few drops would come out) We went to 2 consultations with a lactation consultant, I took fenugreek supplements, took Reglan, pumped after every feeding, and drank hoppy beer. My midwife, the pediatrician, and the consultants didn’t know what to do. It took 2 days of pumping just to get an ounce out. I felt SO inadequate as a woman. It was so hard not to go through a feeding session w/o crying. My husband was supportive but he couldn’t understand. After 2 weeks, I gave up and we went to formula only. I felt like I not only let down my son but I let down myself.
Cael is a beautiful 13 month old toddler now. He’s the happiest baby I’ve ever seen. I do have regrets but I feel I made the right choice with my situation. I know I’ll be more prepared for our next child if my milk doesn’t come in again.
Thank you for letting my share my story.
Comment by Dot on Feb 26 2010 12:42:39:
Thanks for sharing! It is devastating to plan on breastfeeding when your baby is born for the whole 9 months that you are pregnant, only to have things not go as you had planned.
I also had a horrible time trying to breastfeed. I went through issues with improper latch, mastitis, and thrush. I saw a lactation specialist several times to no avail. I was finally told by my doctor AND my lactation specialist that I had to stop nursing because they could not get rid of my infections. It was a painful experience both physically and emotionally. I felt like a complete failure as a mom.
With my second child I saw a lactation specialist from day one in the hospital. He was latching on great, my milk supply was abundant and he was growing wonderfully. Then less than a week after he was born I ended up with double mastitis, then thrush AGAIN! I was told that I was doing everything correctly, but my body was just prone to these infections for some reason. I again stopped nursing in order to get rid of the infections. This time was still painful, but I was able to cope a little better emotionally. My doctor has told me that if I decide to have more children, it would not be a bad choice for me if I chose not to breastfeed. They also clarified that I am the ONLY person they have EVER advised against breastfeeding.
Just found out that I am pregnant with baby number three. This will be a formula baby. On some level I still feel as though I am a failure though, and wonder why I was not able to breastfeed my children as I had hoped to.
One thing that I have found is that I tend to judge people a LOT less. Even though breast may be best, you do not know someones situation or why they have made the choices that they have made until you have walked in their shoes.
Comment by Andrea on Feb 26 2010 11:00:36:
Wow. Thank you, THANK YOU for sharing!
I have a 6 month old. I was basically guilted into breastfeeding (by no fault but my own) because of all the books and drs and research that show “breast is best”. Well, what mother doesn’t want “the best” for her child?!?
I had a horrible time in the hospital with lactation consultants. One nurse even told me, “Oh yeah, your nipples are destroyed. No wonder you can’t get a good latch”. Only to find out 1 week later that my son was tongue tied.
I did it for 6 weeks and honestly, I hated every single moment of it. I finally quit whenever I realized I was having a mini mental breakdown every time we fed, which of course was every 2 hours at best. Not good.
So, it didn’t work for me and me being in such a bad place did not work for my son or for my husband.
I am so glad so many mothers get the opportunity to breastfeed and experience that beauty. But for us it wasn’t and I am just now (just now! 6 months later!) able to admit that.
Comment by Rachel on Feb 27 2010 07:18:18:
It was so great to read this article! We had our first child on July 9th 2009, she was a month premature and was life flighted to a hospital almost 2 hours away. After all of this I was still determined to breast feed her so I got the pump and pumped every two hours for a week, bring the milk with me every day to the nicu for them to put in her feeding tube. Finally I was able to try feeding her my self and I was so excited and determined for it to go well, but she really couldn’t suck, my milk supply only lasted for three more weeks despite me pumping every two hours. I still feel guilty! I know it was all out of my control, but every time she gets a cold or ear infection I just think this wouldn’t happen if I was breast feeding. As if me beating my self up wasn’t enough all the old ladys at the church I worked at ridicule me for not being able to breast feed saying things like oh you just didn’t try hard enough and babys aren’t meant to eat out of bottles. They just made it so much tougher on me. Until anther mom at the church came up to me and said I bottled feed both of my children and I was bottled feed and I’m still a live and fine. I’m still not over not being able to breast feed her but I’m learning to live with it.
Comment by Anissa on Feb 28 2010 10:02:55:
My daughter would latch pretty well, but she wouldn’t suck enough to get a substantial amount of milk. The second day in the hospital the pediatrician told us we were probably going to need to supplement her with formula just at first because she was at a high risk of jaundice. We did, and she immediate realized how much easier a bottle was. For 6 weeks I would try to nurse her at home and we went to appointments with the lactation consultants. Every time she nursed, she’d finish her session by crying until I gave her a bottle of another once or so of pumped milk. Eventually her nursing times went down from 30 minutes a side to 10 minutes a side to 10 minutes total before this crying started. I was an emotional wreck. We had been so confident in our choice to breast feed despite EVERYONE I knew with new babies choosing formula. My baby is now 4 months old and I have been exclusively pumping every one of her bottles since she was 6 weeks old. I guess I’m lucky that I’ve been able to keep my supply up without her actually nursing (though I did have a very rough couple of weeks and I still have to pump every 3 hours and at night), but I also can’t help but feel like I’ve been robbed of that natural mothering experience. I’m still sad that we don’t get those moments together. I know my baby loves me, and I know she’s getting what she needs, but it still makes me a little sad. Mothers need to know that despite our best efforts, things don’t always work out. Thanks for sharing your story!
Comment by Stephanie on Mar 04 2010 06:55:52:
I know this may not be the best info for you at this late stage but I am obsessive about writing so that others may hear what I have to say. I had a very hard time nursing my first son – I pumped and fed him for 6 weeks while continuing to try to nurse. I was on a two hour sleep routine in which I tried to nurse for 20 minutes, failed to nurse, fed him a pumped bottle for 20 minutes, put him back to sleep, pumped for 20 minutes, cleaned up the equipment etc for 20 minutes, sleep for 1 hour and start all over. This lasted for 6 weeks. I had mastitis, I had blisters covering both nipples (from the pump). IT WAS HORRIFIC. I cried almost all the time. And the one thing that would have made it better or made it worth it was to know that this happens to other women. I had head OVER and OVER “breastfeeding is natural” or “if it hurts than you are not doing it right”….it is hard for a lot of women and you can stick with it and subsequently have a beautiful nursing experience. At 6 weeks my son (who was a born 4 weeks premature) finally got the hang of it and nursed for 15 months. My second son is now 8 months and has successfully nursed since birth. It is not always easy but it still can work…
Comment by Maegan on Mar 04 2010 07:20:32:
I had a hard time with my first…the first 6 weeks were pretty scary, I did supplement with formula, and then one day, she was just nursing…and I was fine, and she was fine…and she was good until she decided to wean herself at 11 months. I am grateful for the formula that kept me sane, knowing, “Even if she gets nothing from me right NOW, she is still ‘nursing’ and will be fed eventually.” My second was a dream nurser from the start, and we went 17 months with nary a supplement. I decided to cut the kid off, she was starting to act a little like a junkie who needed a fix, lol.
Comment by Jeni on Mar 08 2010 01:55:25:
I too was determined I was going to breastfeed my daughter. My daughter attended the childcare center I worked at. I was assured that it would be no problem for me to take the time and breastfeed my daughter. For the first couple of months it was no problem. I brought bottles of breast milk for the times when it was impossible for me to leave my class to feed her. After a while I was getting called to her “class” less and less. I found that they were “supplementing” with formula. Which explained why she was not wanting to nurse at home. I was furious…as time went on she became getting sick more often. I was in the doctors office more than I was at work. We spent the night before Thanksgiving in the hospital with my daughter because she ended up with pneumonia (at 6 months old). I was sure it was because she wasn’t nursing anymore. So, I quit the job and attempted to get my daughter to nurse again….to no avail. It’s still hard for me to accept that there was nothing else I could have done. But, she is now a very healthy 2 1/2 year old little girl and I am accepting that I tried everything I knew to do.
Comment by Tésa on Mar 10 2010 07:25:48:
I completely connected with your article because I didn’t nurse either of my children. I tried with my daughter (my oldest) and had all kinds of trouble. In fact, my milk never came in which was so strange but I even though I tried everything I just couldn’t do it. I also felt really guilty about it too. It’s tough when there’s such pressure out there to breastfeed and then when I couldn’t do it, I too felt like I failed. It’s frustrating, but you do the best you can as a mom with what you have.
Comment by V on Jan 07 2011 12:41:01:
I had a similiar experience. His first feed was with me and went perfectly. When they took him to the NICU because of his ‘fast breathing’, they were afraid to feed him so they gave him IV. I was pumping and working with a lactation consultant to get him to feed with me, but after that first bottle it all went downhill. After we got home, I kept trying but it was a nightmare. He would SCREAM and I would get frustrated and upset. I caved and would let my mom give him a bottle. I ended up pumping for a whole year. I could only give him 50-75% of his need so i supplemented with formula. I figured anything I could give him was better than nothing. Pumping around the clock was a bear, but I was committed to give my son breast milk even if it was thru a bottle. I learned to have a backup plan!Get a book on pumping and read it! Have a breast pump no matter what. It can help you increase your supply and let you continue giving ur milk even if bfding doesn’t work out.
Comment by Karen on Apr 24 2011 07:36:56:
I am so thankful that I came across this article today and read the stories that many of you have shared. I felt that I have been able to connect to many of you. Thank you for being so real in your difficulties with breastfeeding. My son was born in December and he was considered a “late” premie. I was hoping to breastfeed right away. I had a very difficult labor and delivery and lost half of my blood count. I pushed for three hours ( with no meds) even though I really wanted them but was told I was too far dialted that I couldn’t get an epidural. Anyway, I could barely hold my son after he was born because I was so exhausted from pushing that long. When I tried to breastfeed he would barely latch. I was told by the nurses that this was happening because he was a premie.
When we left the hospital my milk started to come in and I went to go buy a good breast pump. I was determined to pump even if the whole latch situation didn’t improve.
I still continued to try and nurse and pump every 2-3 hours. I was so exhausted but even after trying to nurse and pump I wasn’t producing enough milk for him. I tried beer, tea and herbal supplements. They helped some but still I didn’t have enough milk. I went back to the hospital and they said that he was only getting 1/2 ounce when I would nurse him!
I couldn’t believe it! The lactation specialist told me that part of it may be due to such a difficult delivery and losing so much blood. I had post partum anemia along with my son being premie and not latching on very well.
Anyway, my son is now four months. He is fed an organic formula and I still struggle with the feelings of not being a “good” mom with all of the efforts in trying to make breastfeeding work.
Having gone through this difficulty with breastfeeding I have come across many mothers who are extrememly judgemental and not understanding. Everyone just seems to think that it is so easy and you just have to try harder. But, my questions is how hard to you try if your baby is not thriving or isn’t getting enough milk from you. Just because you choose to feed your child formula does not mean you are not a good mother.
To be honest, I am so sick and tired of all of the “extreme natural moms” out there. Who make you feel that you are worthless and lazy. I think it is time to learn to be understanding of each indiviudal situation and be comapssionate towards eachother. Who am I to judge another mother and how she feeds her child?
I think it is very important that we try to understand that there are times that breastfeeding is not possible or may not be the best for the baby. I believe that through this experience I have learned that what matters is that I tried and perhaps it didn’t go the way I would have liked I still know in my heart that I am a good mother and know what is best for my son.
He is doing so well and is growing like a champ and that makes me so happy!! Breastfeeding is the best babies but may not always be so easy. May mothers out there take heart and learn to not be judgemental about mothers who choose to use a bottle or formula feed their child. Please learn to be understanding and ask and don’t assume that they didn’t try! You never know what may have happened and why they are chosing to forumula feed.
To be honest, I am very thankful for formula! Thank you for all of you who have shared your stories, it has been refreshing and has helped me understand that I am not alone and there is support out there!!