The Daily Bootie Newsletter for New Parents

Mommy Judgement




by: Alena

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From the featured blog, Charmingly Chandler

Mom’s should be supportive right?  I mean we are all embarking on the biggest adventure and challenge of our lives!  We all want what’s best right?  We want to raise smart, healthy, independent children.  (Unless you don’t.  Unless you’re the one person who wants to be different in which case, I give you major side eye!).  But in reality Mommyhood is more divisive than political parties.   

-Natural Vs. Epiderals.

-VBAC vs. Scheduled C’s

-Formula Feeding Vs. Breastfeeding.

-Disposable diapers vs. Cloth Diapers

-Bed-sharing vs. Crib Sleeping

-Working Moms vs. Stay at home moms

-Blondes Vs. Brunettes (ok so that’s not a baby-issue, but now that I’ve brought it up I do think my adorable strawberry blonde wee one is the cutest)
 
People feel more passionate about these things than they do universal health care or gay marriage!!  On any given mommy board on any given day and there will be a debate over “the issues”.  But the judgment doesn’t just extend to the out reaches of the internets.  

Go to your Starbucks at 8 months pregnant and order some coffee.  Your barista may not say something, but you’ll get the look, and you’ll know.  She may even have the nerve to slip you a decaf.  Judgment.

Tell someone you want to give birth to your first bundle of joy naturally.  Most responses will be filled with sarcasm, humor, snark, and maybe an eye roll for good measure.  Judgement.

Tell your old fashioned Momma that you are going to wear your baby, and you’ll hear all the reasons why it’s bad for the baby to do that.  Judgement.

Give birth to a baby that within a week is above the 100th percentile.  Strangers will tell you to feed her less, friends will tell you how much they fed THEIR baby because their baby was a good solid average size & family members will send you articles about childhood obesity.  Judgment.

Birthing a baby (by any means) apparently certifies us to know what’s best not only for our children (if only we DID have all those answers) but for every other child in the world! 

So what do you do to prevent being a victim of Mommy-Judgment?  Grow.Thick.Skin.   It’s the only real solution.  Learn to walk away from the old lady at the grocery store who tells you you’re feeding your child too much.  Simply ignore the glares from the friend who you just told that you are returning to work because you need to feel that satisfaction.  Just say thanks to the caring family member who forwards you endless articles about how co-sleeping will kill your baby.  Make jokes at the Mommy Play date when you pull out your bottle of formula while they are all nursing their wee babies (telling them you are feeding your child poison so that he doesn’t grow up to be big and strong usually takes the wind out of judgy-sails).  These are only the baby-Mommy-topics.  Before you know it there will be a whole new set of topics that you’ll realize puts you on the opposite side of the fence from those you care about—and maybe some you don’t.

Not taking things to heart is a good practice to start now.  After all your teenage daughter is going to tell you she hates you.  Your six year old son is going to tell you he wants to go live with the neighbors.  If you don’t learn to toughen up against the judgment now…you’ll never get out of this Mommy-hood ride alive!




author photo

My name is Alena, I'm from the great state of Alabama (Home of Milo's Tea & the Auburn Tigers!).  I married my hard-working husband Cody almost 4 years ago.  We're raising a beautiful pun'kin, Sophia, who has her Daddy's eyes and her Mommy's hard head.  I'm a SAHM who doesn't fit into any of your typical parenting categories.  We are just doing our best & crossing our fingers that Sophia doesn't run away with a bad boy and tattoo his name on her butt.  You can check out my blog Charmingly Chandler See All Posts by This Author »


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There Are 6 Responses So Far »

  1. That’s good advice, politely ignoring is a good thing to do. I, however, prefer to tell people to eff off and mind their own business. I’m not telling you I think cloth diapers are disgusting, don’t bother me about the decision to circumsize. Even friends and family know that if you want to judge me for my parenting skills you are going to have to do it behind closed doors because if you say it to my face you are going to get an earful. I’ve taken big strides to not judge other mothers and I deserve the same respect.

  2. ‘Respect’ is the word. I do not judge other mothers because they are doing what they feel is right for the most important person in their life. If a pregnant friend asks advice I tell her what worked and didn’t work for me, what others suggested, but that every baby and every situation is different. As mothers we grow and learn right along with our baby. There are plenty of books out there but the reality is that our children do not come with handbooks specially created for them.

  3. So so true!! We’ve all got enough stress in our lives, why are we making it harder for each other just so we can feel better? Enough I say!

  4. Alena, great article. I’ve got so much to say about this topic, but I’m trying to hold back. I justed commented on “The Dark Side of Mommy Blogs.” Are there 2 types of moms in the world: 1) those who think their way is the best and only way, and if you did the other way you are a bad mom; and 2) those who know there is more than one way to raise a baby and who offer kind words and support. I said this in a previous post: Words Are Powerful. You may not remember what someone said to you, but you will remember how they made you feel.

  5. As the saying goes, mother knows best! ;)

  6. Honestly, just let those people think what they will think. In general, family and friends mean well and if you don’t agree, a simple “I don’t agree, so let’s please drop this issue” is a good idea. If they aren’t family or friends, who cares what they think?

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