Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
We spend the first 12 months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up.
Recommend virtue to your children; it alone, not money, can make them happy. I speak from experience.
-Ludwig van Beethoven
Children’s talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
With kids, the days are long, but the years are short.
If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.
What’s a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son.
-Ben Stein on CNN
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.
You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back.
-William D. Tammeus
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
-Abigail Van Buren
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
You see much more of your children once they leave home.
Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation.
-C. Everett Koop
Respect the child. Be not too much his parent. Trespass not on his solitude.
-Ralph Walso Emerson
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
-P. J. O’Rourke
Are there any great ones we’re missing? Do you want to add your own? Leave them in the comments section below!