How a Baby Affects Your Marriage
Facebook 
Get Our Newsletter! 
Print
A new article in the Wall Street Journal talks about the marital problems many couples have once a baby comes into the picture. Author Andrea Petersen cites a growing number of healthcare professionals that are suggesting that expectant parents take the time to prepare for the strain a new baby will place on a couple’s relationships.
Numerous studies have shown that a couples’ satisfaction with their marriage takes a nose dive after the first child is born. Sleepless nights and fights over whose turn it is to change diapers can leach the fun out of a relationship.
Now, a growing number of mental-health professionals are advising couples to undergo pre-baby counseling to hash out marital minefields such as divvying up baby-related responsibilities, money issues and expectations for sex and social lives. A growing number of hospitals, midwives and doulas (birth coaches who provide physical and emotional support) are teaching relationship skills alongside childbirth education classes.
About two-thirds of couples see the quality of their relationship drop within three years of the birth of a child, according to data from the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, a nonprofit organization focused on strengthening families. Conflict increases and, with little time for adult conversation and sex, emotional distance can develop.
Men and women experience the deterioration differently: Mothers’ satisfaction in their marriages plummets immediately; for men, the slide is delayed a few months. Hormonal changes, the physical demands of childbirth and nursing, and an abrupt shift from the working world to being at home with an infant may explain that, says Renay Bradley, the director of research and programming at the Relationship Research Institute.
According to Joyce Marter, co-owner of Urban Balance LLC, a five-center psychotherapy practice in the Chicago area that offers a $500, six-session “pre & post baby couples counseling” program each year, tells the WSJ’s Andrea Petersen, “People spend more time decorating the nursery than preparing the relationship for the arrival of a baby.”
How has having a baby affected your relationship? Has it gotten stronger, or suffered? What are you doing to try and work on it?
Just gotta try this Creamy Avocado Dip recipe via Momables.com - love how you can spread it on a sandwich in lieu of Mayo! 
Comment by Ebony on May 05 2011 06:25:06:
My marriage did suffer a little after my first baby was born but it took a nose dive after our second baby was born 16 months after the first. Having 2 small children takes up a lot of your time and it’s hard to work on your marriage. But you do have to try or it will fail. We r seeking counseling now.
Comment by Katie on May 05 2011 08:43:08:
Thankfully, my marriage has not suffered, from what I can tell, since my daughter was born. My husband and I spent quite a while before she was born discussing what we expected of each other and what raising techniques we wanted to use. I think communication is a huge reason that we are still doing so well. If one of us is feeling like we are pulling more than our weight we are sure to open up about it and fix it.
Comment by Mommy of one (hopefully two someday) on May 05 2011 08:43:13:
Absolutely. I now understand why my parents fought so much when we were younger. They had 4 children and fought all the time. Now that we are all grown up and out of the house their relationship has done a 180 and I am so happy for them. I would never ever want my child to feel as if it was his/her fault, because it’s NOT, but stress on a marriage is a given after having a child. I keep reminding myself of that and also the fact that it’s not just me. Many others go through the same thing and it helps to know that. The key is to talk about it. I love my husband dearly and couldn’t imagine my life without him, but man oh man are there some tough days. Knowing that it’s all a stage of life is what gets us through.
Comment by Lora on May 05 2011 09:02:55:
Oh not at all! Thank goodness, Having our 1st baby only strengthened our love for each other! 5 years later we had our second and I only believe that we fell deeper in love. I guess we are the lucky few!
Comment by Angelica on May 09 2011 11:24:11:
I agree with Mommy of one. Having a baby is wonderful but it also adds some stress to the relationship. It is better when you know it and get prepared for it, just like you got everything ready for your baby’s arrival you should also get ready for the changes in the relationship with your spouse. Work as a team and you will get through the tough times. A lot of couples don’t realize it until it is too late and many of them get divorced during this time, which I think is very sad. I guess if everyone knew about this, the % of divorces would be lower.