"The work gang had been begging me to bring the baby to meet them. I was
determined to look fantastic. Unfortunately, none of my clothes fit. I tried on
everything in my closet. Buy yourself an outfit (ignore the size, it's temporary)
that makes you feel good. You'll only wear it for a few months, but the lift it
can give (at a time when you need one!) is worth it."
- Carolyn Armistead, mother of Nicolle, 18, and Cori, 16, and a writer in
Carlisle, Mass.
"I was completely unprepared for the uncontrollable emotions. But it helped me to
know that many new moms cry at the drop of a hat."
- Margaret Griffin, mother of Maeve, 5, and owner of an architectural firm in Los
Angeles
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Nothing can quite prepare you for your first weeks of parenthood. But the tips we offer here will make them go a lot more smoothly.
Respect and Share Your Feelings
"On our third day at home, I started crying and couldn't stop. It began when my
husband asked, 'Do you mind if I play basketball tonight?'" - Jenna Coito,
pregnant, and mother of a 1 1/2-year-old girl, in Santa Barbara, Calif.
Even the most unflappable women become a bit unhinged after the baby's birth.
"I'm not a crier, but the hormone changes did a number on me. I thought I was
going crazy," remembers Margaret Griffin, mother of Maeve, 5, and owner of an
architectural firm in Los Angeles. "I was a crying mess." Due to the loss of
pregnancy hormones, about 80 percent of women experience the baby blues, which
can last up to a few weeks. (About 10 percent to 20 percent will suffer from
full-blown postpartum depression; treatment includes antidepressants deemed safe
for nursing moms.)
Besides sobbing and feeling a little nuts, you may even question your ability to
parent or to love your child. "I think it's important to know that bonding comes
in different flavors and intensities," explains Dell. "The ones who fall in love
at first glance are the minority. I think that people feel there's something
wrong with them if they don't bond immediately."
If you experience these feelings, it's vital that you tell someone, be it a
friend, family member, or therapist. "Many women are embarrassed to talk about
any of this," says Shaber. "They put out this image that everything is just
great. Women need support, so talk about it and get it out there."
This is just what Griffin did. "The best advice came from my sister," she
recalls. "She told me that babies are extremely sensitive and that they pick up
on whatever you project. No matter what you're feeling inside, do whatever it
takes to project confidence, not fear."
Don't Try to Do Too Much
"Your highest priorities are to feed the baby, change the baby, feed yourself.
Don't expect to keep up with anything else." - Victoria Clayton
Modify your expectations. "Flexibility is key with a new baby in the house,"
stresses Dell. If things don't go the way you hoped, it doesn't mean you're a bad
mother, she assures. "People often have a notion about what it is they want to
do - breastfeeding, for example. If it's too stressful for the mother and baby, be
able to say, 'This isn't working.'"
For Clayton, a lot of tension eased when she simply surrendered to baby duty. "In
certain ways you just have to give in," she counsels. "It's too stressful to
think about all the things you can't keep up with, like cleaning the house,
writing thank-you notes, being a hostess, returning phone calls and
e-mails."
The first months of new parenthood should be about holding, feeding, and soothing
your newborn, who will play a big role in determining your actions and reactions.
And after about six weeks, when he smiles at you for the first time, you'll
forget all about your fatigue. We promise. 
Nancy Gottesman, a freelance writer, survived her son's first weeks - but just
barely - in Santa Monica, California.
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