Do know your weaknesses
Feeling
lightheaded? Queasy? Medical staff can usually spot a father who's feeling faint
before he reaches the floor, but dealing with two patients instead of one isn't
easy. "If you have to leave the room or sit down, do - and don't feel like you have
to be there right in the action if you can't handle it," says Brenda Coutinho,
M.D., an OB/GYN in Wellesley, Mass. Similarly, if the idea of cutting the
umbilical cord makes you squeamish, just say "no, thanks" and concentrate on
helping your mate.
Don't obsess over high-tech toys
As fascinating as all the equipment is in the birthing and labor room, avoid
getting transfixed to the exclusion of your partner. Try to curb your impulse to
say things like, "Here comes a big one," as you stare at the monitor. (A woman in
labor already knows she's in the middle of a tsunami-sized contraction.) The
labor room TV is equally mesmerizing for some fathers. Don't turn it on. Instead,
focus on creating distractions for your partner, such as helping her take a
shower or a walk up and down the hallway with you, or playing some of her
favorite music.
Don't trip up the medical team
You can't be useful if you're constantly in the doctor's way. Sit or stand where
the obstetric staff tells you to and be sure to keep your coaching in line with
their advice. For instance, don't encourage your partner to push until the
midwife or doctor says she's ready. Also, be aware of how disruptive even
well-meaning behavior (such as videotaping or flash photography) can be. Even if
you haven't gotten that perfect photo-op yet, lay low with the spotlights in the
delivery room until your doctor says your partner is ready for her close-up.
Don't be afraid to be firm
While
the grandmother-to-be might feel entitled to a spot in the labor room, if your
partner doesn't want her there, it's your responsibility to keep her out.
"Sometimes the woman prefers to just be with her partner," says Coates. "It's the
dad's job to protect his partner's privacy." By the same token, don't take it too
personally if your mate gets overly firm with you. "Moms are obviously in a lot
of pain, and sometimes they take that out on dads verbally," observes Kaplan. In
addition, don't feel hurt if she pushes you away, criticizes your efforts to help
or blames you for the condition she's in. "Men have to be prepared to take their
shots," Kaplan notes.
Don't miss it
Despite your fears
of passing out or puking, you'll be amazed at the strength you can muster during
labor. After all, watching the birth of your child is probably the most
rewarding, joyous and life-altering experience you'll ever have. "A dad's role is
so important," says Coutinho. "The man was there at the conception, and he should
be there at the birth. Seeing a baby being born gives you such an appreciation
for what it takes to bring a child into the world - and what a miracle life is."
Precious Cargo