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Your wife's contractions are 8 minutes apart, her hospital bag is packed, and
your car is ready. Are you excited? Nervous? Petrified? Dads these days are
expected to be labor experts, coaching their partners through the pain and
confusion of childbirth. But just remaining standing can be a challenge. And as
prepared as dads might feel after weeks of childbirth classes, those lessons can
go out the window when late-stage contractions kick in.
"I think the biggest fear men have is whether they can handle seeing their
partners in so much discomfort," says Shelly Coates, R.N., an ICEA-certified
childbirth educator (ICCE) in Jacksonville, Fla. "But dads need to realize that
there isn't anything they need to do other than be supportive and give lots of
praise, touch and encouragement." Research shows that continuous emotional
support in labor soothes expectant mothers enormously. "There isn't anybody who
can take the place of a loving and supportive partner," adds Coates.
Do offer emotional support
Never
criticize, nag or complain to your partner during labor, and resist the impulse
to cheer, "Come on! Push!" as though she were a player in a ball game, says
Caroline E. Brown, R.N.C., D.Ed., ICCE, in Philadelphia, Pa. Instead, quietly
reassure her that she's doing a great job. "Watch your words," Brown advises.
"They should be positive, short and to the point. Saying things like 'Hang in
there,' and 'I love you,' or 'Great job' will help keep Mom going."
Do be her right-hand man
While
some women are too uncomfortable in the middle of labor for much physical
contact, others crave their partner's loving touch. Volunteer to give her a
massage or help change her labor positions. Anticipate her needs and offer her
ice chips, cold compresses or warm blankets. Billy Kaplan, a childbirth educator
in Hyde Park, Ill., for Boot Camp for New Dads, a childbirth-coaching class,
remembers pressing on his wife's lower back and counting aloud to help her when
it came time to push. "I felt like I was completely there with her and very
involved," he says. Having a bag of pampering products made just for labor may
make the job easier. Plan ahead and order one of the prepackaged kits on the
market. (Try the Labor Day Pamper Pack from The Rosemary Company, which features
an assortment of necessities like massage oil, nausea-fighting lollipops and a
contraction ball; $29.99, 800-823-3891, rosemarycompany.com.)
Do develop a game plan
Meet with the care
provider ahead of time to discuss the birth plan and tour the labor area so you
know where things are located. Pack a hospital bag for your partner and one for
yourself. Include snacks, refreshments, CDs and a change of clothes. (See "Dad's
to-do checklist," page 58.) "You don't want to be running down to the cafeteria
while your wife's in labor," says Kaplan.
Do speak up for her
A dad can be
his mate's voice during the confusion of childbirth, relaying information to the
medical staff and supporting her wishes. "Women are very vulnerable as they move
into the active part of labor," says Brown. Be your partner's advocate if she's
having trouble making her voice heard. If someone is trying to check her vital
signs during the middle of a contraction, you can rally to put on the brakes
until her pain has passed. When Mom decides she needs medication, you can request
it - pronto.
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