New parenthood requires just as much adjustment as a new job. It usually takes 12 to 18 months. |
>>Keep Your Expectations Realistic
After reading scores of books and taking parenting classes, you probably have visions of reading to your baby every 15 minutes, introducing her to Mozart and teaching her the alphabet before she turns 2. Forget about it. Advising first-time parents who are nervous about bath time and diapering, Shane suggests that parents go easy on themselves: "You'll work out the style and the details as you go along," he says. "Care for your baby, just don't expect to do everything perfectly the first time you try it."
>>Relinquish Control
Share childcare with your mate. "Ask yourself whether you're hoarding the baby because being the only one who can care for your baby makes you feel really special," Sanford says. "The benefits of others participating outweigh that feeling, because you'll get overwhelmed and resentful, and that's not good for anyone."
If your husband is reluctant to participate, don't force him to do things your way - or grab the baby the
moment she whimpers. You might leave your spouse alone with the baby for a day so he can figure out her
cues. Or you might offer the dad a choice of activities he feels most comfortable handling, Shane says.
Instead of saying, "Please help out more," be specific. Say, "I'd like to take a walk. Could you please look
after the baby for the next half hour?" or "Could you feed the baby and then change her diaper?"
To avoid arguments, divvy up assignments for each parent, such as diapering or feeding duty or other household chores. One parent might take care of the baby on one Saturday morning and the other parent the next. You also might allot certain hours when one of you is responsible for baby care. "This makes you feel kind of in charge, however loosely," Shane says. "You can't predict when a kid's going to throw up, but you can predict who's going to clean it up when it happens."
>>Take Care of Yourself
"Society gives us a message that taking care of ourselves as new mothers is selfish, but nothing could be further from the truth," says Pamela Jordan, Ph.D., R.N., associate professor, Department of Family and Child Nursing at the University of Washington School of Nursing in Seattle. "If you don't take care of yourself - eat a good diet, take your vitamins, exercise and do whatever recharges your batteries - pretty soon, the batteries are dead. Then you're no good to anyone."
>>Don't Try to Be Supermom
To accomplish chores, take time with your partner or simply read, hire a babysitter to watch your baby. Accept offers of help from friends and family. If you don't want to leave them with your baby, ask them to assist with meals, grocery shopping or lawn care, says Jordan.
Other mothers are also a wonderful source of advice and solace. "Many women see [a mom] at the grocery store with her baby content in a Snugli and feel like they're the only one struggling," Sanford says. "But if you talk to other mothers honestly, you realize they're facing many of the same changes."
No matter how difficult parenting is at first, most mothers are eventually won over by their babies - and
their new lives. "At first, you might only throw yourself in front of a bike for your baby," Condee says.
"Soon, it's an 18-wheeler. There's nothing more rewarding than caring for this wonderful creature who
becomes such a part of you that you won't be able to imagine life without him or her. It's the most intense
and complete love you'll ever feel. There's nothing better." 
Michele Meyer is an award-winning freelance writer whose
work has appeared in Parade, Saveur, and Lucky magazines and who always finds
time to be a devoted "auntie," despite her full workload.
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