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Don't Expect to Feel Love at First Sight
As with any bonding, love at first sight is rare. And like any passion, ecstasy and agony may be woven
together in your love for your child. After the birth of her first son, Kathleen Condee, the Athens, Ohio,
stay-at-home mom of Colin, 13, and Austin, 4, says: "I remember mourning, thinking, 'I can't go back to
the way my life was before. I can't hop in my car and spend the day with a friend. I can't kick up my heels
and read a book for three hours.' Babies consume all 24 hours of your day."
And as for bonding, she adds: "I don't think you necessarily bond right away.
It's overrated. With Colin, it was right away - instant. With Austin, I was older
and so tired. It took a couple of weeks for this baby's strong, delightful
personality to win me over. Then he'd smile with his whole body when I'd pick him
up after a nap. I fell in love."
Remember, This Time Will Pass
When everything seems to be a struggle, take a deep breath and remember that the sun will set on that difficult day - and that your life will be easier once your child starts sleeping all night and talking (usually by age 2), advises Diane G. Sanford, Ph.D., a practicing psychologist and mother of two in St. Louis. This will stop you from fearing that you have been handed a life sentence. If you still feel trapped, ask your husband
to take over, talk to
a friend, watch your favorite television show, or take a walk or a bubble bath. "Don't beat yourself up for having mixed feelings. It's normal and doesn't mean you're a horrible mother or will never love your baby again."
Record Your Baby's Progress
Keep a scrapbook. This will feed your enthusiasm and serve to remind you how much you've accomplished, says Sanford. "Most moms tend to focus on where they're falling short instead of what good care they're providing. If your healthy child is growing and thriving, you're doing a terrific job."
Plan to Be Exhausted
Forget about anything beyond the basics at home or at the office through your child's first year, Shane warns. "Expect to be fatigued, distracted and 20 percent to 30 percent less efficient at work. That way it won't be such a shock."
Jen Jordan expected fatigue - but nothing like she's encountering. "Everybody knows babies eat every
three hours," she says. "What they don't tell you is that it takes another hour to burp them, change their
diaper and put them down. It was a real adjustment. Your mind Š I just lost my train of thought. What was I
saying?"
Now that Condee's youngest is 4 years old, she recalls fatigue driving her to place her eyeglasses in the fridge and milk in the microwave. Once, her husband, Bill, was putting together a crib for Colin and was perplexed by a squeaking sound. "He thought, 'What's that?'" she says. "He was so tired, he'd forgotten we had a baby."
More recently, when Condee went to pick up Colin at school, she completely forgot
about Austin, who'd been whisked off by a friend for teachers to admire. "Colin
and I were all set to drive home when I noticed this baby hat in my hand. I
thought, 'Oh, my God, Austin!'"
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