The Baby Blues?
The tremendous rush of hormones accompanying
labor and delivery can trigger
intense sadness that may take a usually
upbeat woman by surprise. "It's called
the baby blues, and it's quite normal,"
says Pearson. "Besides the hormones, you
suddenly have a squalling tyrant running
your life."
The blues typically fade in a few days,
when hormones settle down. Persisting
sadness can signify postpartum depression,
which is much more serious. Sometimes
mothers deny they are experiencing
it, and "it gets dangerous if it's not tended
to," says Pearson. "We alert fathers to
watch for it, and we watch for it, too."
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Where Is the Love?
We all know the fantasy: a drug-free, minimally painful labor
followed by blissful nursing and bonding. But Mother Nature
often has another scenario in mind. Sometimes complications
in the mother or baby's condition require that they be
cared for separately. And sometimes the mother is just too
exhausted to bond. "I tell couples that they will automatically
feel like protecting their baby and taking care of it," says
Hanrahan. "But falling in love is not instant - it's a process."
Lane adds, "That first hour of bonding is just icing on the
cake. It's nice if it happens, but it's fine if it doesn't - you'll
be bonding with your child for years to come."
On the other hand, some women fear that they'll have
trouble bonding; for them the surprise can be how powerful
their new love is. Claire Glidden, for instance, had her first
child at 37 and worried during pregnancy that she might not
cope well with the lifestyle change. "All that was
so irrelevant after Fordie was born," she says. "I
was surprised at how truly elated I was."
Expect a Surprise
Some deliveries are textbook classics - no complications,
manageable pain, immediate nursing.
But every one is different, and surprises are the
norm. "My goal in delivery is not to minimize surprises,
but to normalize them," says Lane. "We
can't prepare for every eventuality, so what's
important is to reassure the mother and father
that whatever is happening is normal." After 30
years of delivering babies, Pearson feels that the
best way you can normalize surprises is to develop
a close relationship with your childbirth
educator and obstetrician, doula, or midwife. "If
you don't connect with one, get another," he says.
"We're professionals. We know we can't be everything
to everybody." 
Colleen Dunn Bates is a writer and mother of two in
Pasadena, California.
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For the Record