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Can't We Hurry This Along?
"Both mothers and fathers are surprised about how long
delivery takes," says Jane Hanrahan, ICCE-CD, president of
the International Childbirth Education Association. "On TV
shows like Maternity Ward, four or five babies are born in a
half hour." And the biggest challenge of a long delivery -
which can last many, many hours, especially
for first births - is exhaustion. "One thing I
hear time and time again is, 'I wasn't prepared
for how tired I'd be,'" says Hanrahan.
When you're tired, adds Moray, you can't handle
pain as well. Starting labor well rested is
the best preparation you can get.
Incredible Shrinking Baby?
An increase in older mothers, as well as the
prevalence of technology, means that many
women get multiple ultrasounds during their
pregnancies. The measurements taken during
these scans often leave the parents expecting
the baby to be a certain size. "One couple I
worked with recently was sure the baby would
be nine pounds," says doula Brenda J. Lane,
ICCE, CD (DONA), of Annapolis, Maryland. "It
turned out to be six pounds." Be aware that
while ultrasounds are reliable when it comes
to knowing the gender, the margin of error in
terms of the baby's size means that you
should be ready for anything from a petite
gymnast to a beefy linebacker.
When You've Gotta Go...
A young girl typically learns to be modest
about her body and its functions, but after nine months of
spreading her legs for medical professionals, a pregnant
woman generally loses her inhibitions - except one. "For
many women," says Pearson, "one of the most shocking
surprises is that, in front of your husband and various dignitaries,
you sometimes have to have a large bowel movement."
It only hinders the delivery process if you try to
stop it from happening, so he tells his patients, "Just relax
and let go - nature is nature, after all."
He Can't Stop Crying
The typical father, say the experts, is simply not prepared for
how much he's going to love his baby. "They know intellectually
that a baby's coming," says Hanrahan. "But because
they haven't been carrying it for nine months, it's just not real
to them. Mornay agrees: "We see a lot of dads who are pretty
cavalier about the whole thing beforehand - and then they
just sob when the baby is born."
She Sounds Like She's Possessed!
One of the biggest shocks for men can be the moans, groans,
and full-throttle screams that emerge from their oncereserved
wives. "The dads can get really anxious," says Lane,
"and think we need to do something about it." Lane recently
told one such husband, "Think about how much noise you'd
make if you had to push a piano across a room by yourself."
He got it and calmed down, which helped his wife relax.
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For the Record