Weaning Your Child from Comfort Objects
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Figuring out when and how to separate your child from comfort objects like bottles, blankies, pacifiers and any other meaningful object is always tricky. Just ask Parents Ask reader Amy Kaplan, mom to 1 year old Gabi who refuses to take a bottle. Amy has been trying to wean her from the breast, but is having a difficult time with transitioning Gabi. Today, Parents Ask expert Dr. Bonnie Zucker, Psy.D, author of Anxiety-Free Kids weighs in on this common problem as well.
Q: Comfort Objects: At what age should children put their binkies, blankies and bottles to bed? Any quick tips for weaning or going cold turkey?
A: Comfort objects are frequently used by children as part of self-soothing and can also be a special (sometimes sacred) part of childhood. Some of these objects are called “transitional objects” by psychologists, as they help the child transition into more independent behaviors and situations, such as falling asleep on their own. Ranging from a blankie to a lovely to a favorite stuffed animals, these “objects” help your child cope with separations, new situations, and can bring a great deal of warmth and comfort to your child. Many parents express concern about long-term use of these items, and often expect that their child will “grow out of it”. While many children do eventually decide that they don’t “need” or want their binkie or blankie anymore, many children continue to use them.
It can be a bit challenging to see your child continue to use these items when other kids their age have given them up; however, I strongly believe that the decision needs to be up to the child. Most of the decisions in a child’s life are not made by the child- where they go to school, what they eat, their bedtime, etc, are all decided for them by their parents or other adults. A child’s transitional object is theirs and it should be up to them if they want to continue using it. Continued use of a lovely, stuffed animal, or blankie will not cause harm to your child; however, taking it away from them or forcing them to give it up can potentially be damaging as it will likely be perceived as a loss.
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Comment by Beth on Sep 14 2010 12:53:58:
I never really thought about it until I read it here, our child doesn’t get to make many decisions, why not let them make some small ones. Especially when it means their comfort.
Comment by Kelly on Sep 15 2010 05:47:31:
I think this is complete and udder crap!! There is a reason children don’t make decisions, THEIR CHILDREN!! I wasn’t given the option as a child and I made it through just fine! I personally know a 4 year old who still has a pacifier, why, he isn’t ready to say goodbye. Take control and make it disappear! We need to stop letting kids run the show, it gets you no where but in trouble. I give my kids choices but I ask, “would you like an apple or banana?” They are still choosing but within reason. We are in for a world of hurt if the next generation has to always have their way because mom & dad wouldn’t say no or set limits. Remember Veruca Salt on Willy Wonka???
Comment by Charlene on Sep 16 2010 02:34:35:
I see no harm in allowing them a small token that has sentimental value. Is it really worth a fight over something that doesn’t matter. Choose your battles wisely with them and they will grow up to be accepting adults who have patience because they witnessed their parents displaying it. My son held on to his pacifier til he was four (only at bedtime) and he is a wonderfully adjusted, smart, sensitive person today. If it’s nothing that can harm them don’t fight for it. How would we like to have something we treasure yanked away from us. Treat as you wish to be treated.
Comment by Trini on Sep 19 2010 12:51:29:
My son just turned a year old and it was recommended to take away his bottle and binky and possibly replace it w/a blankie or stuffed animal. Well, I threw the first binky away that same day. I gave in that night and gave him his second one until he fell asleep. That was almost a week now. I also took his bottle away, but gave in to that for the next two or three days. That, too, is now gone and my son drinks out of sippy cups, but during the day, I hold a regular cup and let him drink out of that to get use to it. He’s doing better than I thought. As kids, we all had to adjust to change, so we’ll see how it goes.
Comment by Mary on Apr 14 2011 10:49:34:
Hi everyone, I have a 3 year old that still struggles with sleep issues. I believe it started at 2 yrs the dentist said to take the blanket away that he was sucking on (hurting his teeth). That same day I took the blanket away and gave-in after 3 hours of screaming. The next day I cut the one corner off that he sucked on and then he quickly forgot about the blanket.(Problem solved……not quite) That blanket was his special thing, his self soother, and he has ever sense awakened in the middle of the night just restless and doesn’t sleep well. He is no longer looking for the blanket and he has a favorite bear, but nothing has become as special as that blanket was. So I say be careful what we take away, and at what time in their lives we take it away.