Flexible Sleep Schedules
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From the featured blog, Another Day, Another Moment
To say my child was a difficult newborn might be an understatement. He was the type of child that woke every 2 hours to eat and had to be held 24/7. And when I say 24/7, I mean exactly that. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When we brought him home, I learned my first real lesson as a mother: flexibility. I was adamant against Ethan sleeping with us. I was terrified of SIDS and bought into the whole idea that the safest place for the baby was in a bassinet or crib, but never ever in your bed. Ethan slept with us in one way or another for 6 or 7 months. He started sleeping in his crib at night without coming to bed with us around 5 months. Naps took a little longer.
I had heard tales of the baby who slept in his or her bassinet with ease. I had heard tales of the baby who started “sleeping through the night” at 2 or 3 weeks, understanding that sleeping through the night meant 4 to 6 hours at a stretch. I had even heard of babies who had to be awakened to be fed because they slept so much. I wondered if that baby actually existed. There came a point, however, when it became a matter of safety and necessity that Ethan learned how to sleep on his own and for longer than an hour at a time.
I’ll start at the beginning of our efforts to change Ethan’s sleep habits. As any sleep-deprived new mother can tell you, figuring out how to get more sleep becomes an all-consuming goal. We struggle on so little energy to care for these needy little creatures that bring us so much joy and so much pain. In the early hours of the morning before the sun even begins to brighten the skies, we cry and scream and beg for just a little more sleep. I can’t think of a single mother that would say they weren’t ecstatic when their little ones hit that monumental milestone.
I read and read and read about sleep and how to get more of it. So at 8 weeks, we tried implementing a routine. It was loose at first with 3 basic steps: bath, book, and eat. After feeding him, I’d lay with him until my husband was ready for bed. Typically, we tried to have him in bed by 8. At 10, I’d feed Ethan again, and then my husband would take a shift, allowing me to go to the other bed for a little undisturbed sleep. I didn’t really see much improvement. So I kept the routine and pushed for more.
I tried everything. I kept him active during the day. In fact, Ethan started child care around 8 weeks, so he stayed active. I put him down drowsy but awake. I would feed Ethan, and then hold him until he was almost asleep before putting him in his crib. I stayed to make sure he fell asleep. I tracked his sleep with sleep logs and made my child care provider write down all of his naps. I was meticulous. Still, even at nearly 3 months, my child did not sleep through the night. In fact, despite all my attempts, he was worse. He was waking every 20 to 30 minutes and needed one of us to sit with him until he went back to sleep.
With things going downhill so rapidly and our need to get some sleep (we were both working 40 hours a week), we started putting Ethan in his crib at the beginning of the night and bringing him to our bed when he woke. He still woke frequently, but at least we were right there to put the paci in his mouth.
At 4 months, I fell asleep on my 45-minute drive to work one morning. I almost wrecked. And I thought to myself, “I can’t do this. I’m going to kill myself.” And what’s more is that I knew it was true. I was delirious. Desperate. We let Ethan cry at almost 5 months. It took me that long to do the research and make the decision that we wouldn’t cause lasting damage.
I won’t go into the details. And I know many people are 100% against allowing a child to cry for any reason. I do not recommend it unless you have exhausted all other options. I had. And I almost wrecked my car on a winding road with several drop-offs. It had quite literally become a matter of life or death. It took about 3 nights, but Ethan started sleeping. He would still wake twice a night to eat, but he would go to sleep after that. It was a habit we had to break, and once we did, our little ray of sunshine slept great until teething and colds hit.
My son is now 16 months old. He quit waking up to eat many months ago, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still wake. In terms of sleeping through the night, he does fairly well. And we have a consistent routine to this day.
• We eat at 6:00p.m.
• We take a bath right after dinner.
• We play in the bedroom for about 15 minutes.
• We read a book.
• Ethan is in bed by 7:30.
As I said, there are still several things that cause him to wake at night. Our current culprit: molars. And that’s the other lesson I’ve learned. While things are far easier than they were in those early months, the life of an infant or a toddler is harder than we think. They start out by being ripped from a place of warmth and security. We expect them to do things, such as sleep, before they are even able to smile or acknowledge are existence in earnest. They try several foods that do all kinds of things to their tummies. Oh, and let’s not forget that they get sick, can’t breathe, and we stick bulbs up their noses that sucks out the gunk. Can you imagine how strange that must feel? And then they cut sharp teeth through hardened gums that sometimes bleed as the tooth breaks through. Really? I can’t imagine I’d sleep well under such circumstances.
While I believe in consistency and a steady routine, I also know that the real trick is a combination of your baby’s temperament and time that will get you there.
Just gotta try this Creamy Avocado Dip recipe via Momables.com - love how you can spread it on a sandwich in lieu of Mayo! 
Comment by blueviolet on Jul 12 2010 10:01:14:
I did the cry method too, and it was the best thing I ever did. Never had one bit of a problem after that.
Comment by Debby on Jul 13 2010 01:30:34:
Excellent article. I had to let mine cry too!
Comment by Otter on Jul 13 2010 08:31:15:
Great post even though it was a horrifying trip down memory lane. We did everything imaginable and didn’t get good sleep until about the same age as Ethan as I recall. Braden still wakes and won’t sleep about one night a week. Otherwise he is great. I promise you this. Our next kid can just get in his darn crib and cry himself or herself to sleep. I am not going on no sleep for 4 or 5 months before I try that this time.
Comment by Jenna on Jul 14 2010 02:13:45:
Very nice article.Our first was harder to sleep train.(Then again everything with the first seems alittle harder to a new mom) Our son fortunatly is a great sleeper and we haven’t had to do the crying it out method.One thing I learned though is start it as soon as you possibly can or as soon as the feedings stretch a bit.It was a big life saver this time around.I swear by routines and consistancy when it comes to them…though flexibility is definitly needed especially when teething.Now if someone could help me get my 3 1/2 year old not to wake up as soon as the sun comes up we’d be in great shape.It’s sad when our 4 1/2 month old sleeps better.
Comment by Monica on Jul 14 2010 02:17:27:
Well this article didnt do much for me. We have exhausted every option…we have done the CIO method….he never calms down to fall asleep just keeps working up more and more. We have even been to a sleep therapist and tried thier 123…method. Which can take months to years to complete…we tried for months. He has more nights where he sleep all the way through as of lately but 98% of the time he wakes and comes into our room and gets in bed with us. I have never had an almost accident but i can tell you that the sleep therapist threatened to take away my drivers license because of the little sleep I was/am getting. My son would wake 7 or so times a night. and be up between 15 minutes to 3 hours at a time…you can do the math if youd like. I was told some babies just dont have it in them to be on a sleep routine. I am praying if we have another baby s/he will be different at night.
Comment by Becky on Jul 14 2010 12:59:59:
Whatever you do, DO NOT let your child “cry it out”. After 10 minutes this depletes oxygen to the brain and can cause physical and emotional trauma. Our son was the perfect little sleeper until he turned 8 1/2 months and started walking around the crib. The only way we could get him to sleep after that was by co-sleeping in our bed. It was the BEST thing we have ever done. He slept exclusively in our bed until he was 17 months old and slept a solid 12 hours every night. It was also extremely easy to transition to a toddler bed (with me on the floor next to him at first)after this. I think you need to do whatever you have to just to get adequate sleep.
Comment by Leigh Ann self on Jul 14 2010 01:37:08:
Thanks for the article. I was snooty my first child and was just determined I had done such a great job with traning my first then I had a second one who does not sleep so I then relized every child does haev a different temperament. I have to laugh at myself now. I really just parent day to day just to get by and yes to get some sleep! CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!
Comment by Hannah on Jul 14 2010 06:58:48:
Crying it out is natural and the only way to go. Not true about oxygen depravation. Co-sleeping is great until you have a 3 year-old who refuses to sleep in his big-boy bed.
Comment by Becky on Jul 29 2010 01:58:45:
Yes, it is true about the oxygen deprivation, along with cases of hyperventilation, suffocation, choking, anxiety, etc. I am a respiratory therapist in a childrens ICU/NICU. Children who cry it out are also 10 times more likely to have ADHD later in life.
Comment by Adriana on Aug 08 2010 06:37:29:
I just had my first in May and was spoiled at the fact that my mom was here to help out for almost 6 weeks (granted my hubby wasn’t that all excited lol). While I had the night shift (I am currently pumping since baby couldn’t latch on), my mom would take over during the day to let me sleep. I learned quick to sleep when the baby sleeps. Couldn’t stress that more. It seems my son set his own bed time routine. By eleven he would go to bed, wake up at three and then again at five and then at seven. I was like wow this is great, but I knew it wasn’t normal for a two month old to go to bed that late. My hubby and I started bathing him at seven, playing with him, feeding him and putting him in bed by eight. Yes the first night he did cry until 8:30pm, not to mention he did have a wet diaper after that. He will be 3 months in August and he has actually slept for 8 hours straight!! Although he is in bed by eight, there are some nights that he won’t sleep till its 10:30pm. *sigh* I have learned that babies are unpredictable lol…and now that he is able to sleep 7-8 hours straight and you would think life is perfect, sleep deprivation is still present. I learned this the hard way when excited to see that my baby slept for so long, I decided to not pump for 6-7 hours..big mistake since I paid it with breast pain the next day.my baby might be sleepin and haveing sweet dreams, but unfortunately my nights are still filled with waking up to pump…oh the life of a pumping mother..hang in there moms!!
Comment by Gina on Aug 27 2010 06:06:32:
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