i have the same problem let me know when you find it out sorry i cann’t help
Comment by Margaret Back on Jun 08 2009 07:40:18:
I have a 6 yr old and a 21 mth old. The catalyst here is your reaction to the kids. When my daughter started screaming at 4 I calmly told her that that was not acceptable behavior and told her to go to her room. If she would not go I would carry her. I told her when she was done screaming she could join us again. I let her cry/scream for as long as she did. If she came out of her room screaming I put her back in and calmly let her know when she was done screaming she could come out again. This happened many times over many days.
She is 6 and she has not screamed for years. If that problem rears it’s ugly head again I calmly say – If you need to scream please go to your room. You can join us again when you are done screaming. AND I GO ABOUT MY BUSINESS! Not guilty for challenging her to overcome her desire to scream and have bad behaviour. This is THE best thing you can teach your child.
It works but the hardest thing is to tolerate her screaming and NOT let it impact you. Make HER feel the pain of her inappropriate behavior. As buddha says, life is suffering and once you have learned that and overcome that, life is a lot less suffering..
Comment by Mom of 2 on Jun 09 2009 02:56:36:
First it’s important to regroup. You need a breather, so that you can recollect. It’s understandable that you would feel frustrated given the circumstances. Next, it’s important to realize that your 4 yr old needs you to mommy her, because she is showing signs that having a younger sibling that is colicky and needs mommy all the time is quite possibly stressing her out. Keep this in mind also, children can pick up on how you feel, so if you feel tense or stressed, they likely will be that way too (the baby) and the may feel insecure (the older sibling). I would hope that the colick sunsides, make sure that it is within normal limitations with you MD. Aside from that, my grandmother would always say “Calm down, all babies cry and it won’t hurt them!” Again, calm down. Maybe just accepting the fact that, while you are doing certain things, like the dishes, the baby will cry, it will help to give your children the sense that mommy is still present and everything is just fine. I would also suggest carving out time for your older child, right after some time for youself, and don’t forget the DH, too! I hope things start to get smoother in your home soon. This phase will be a distant memory before you know it!
Comment by Angela on Jun 09 2009 04:18:12:
Have you considered babywearing? There are lots of types of carriers and at 6 months, you can wear her on your back. Check out babywearer.org for reviews & information…
Comment by AJ “Resident Mom” on Jun 12 2009 07:41:15:
I have 3 children. I have an 11 soon to be 12 year old daughter, 9 year old son, and a 9 soon to be 10 month old daughter. When the older two were young it was hard. Mainly because my son was and still is a “momma’s baby”, so my daughter felt left out sometimes. I realize that if I did things with the two of them like when you give the baby a bath ask your 4 1/2 year old to help. She can put the toys in the bath and play with the baby. She might like being the big sister then. She will also see that Mommy is spending time with her and needs her to help and that may help with her feeling pushed aside. One thing to remember is that when you are talking to a child always kneel down and look in their eyes on their level. Then they don’t feel overpowered. Another suggestion is when you put the baby in the swing to do dishes (if you have room)set the swing right by you and ask your older daughter to come sing with you and the baby or if she has play dishes get a bucket and have her show the baby how to wash dishes (pretending of course) just like mommy. I found with my kids that when they are little the want to be big and do what mommy does so let them in their own way and she might start to help with the baby more so you can get things done and just release some stress. Plus both children get to spend time with mommy. I hope all works out and you find the right thing to work for you and your children. Best of luck.
Comment by Mother on Jun 17 2009 09:17:12:
My children never had colic but a friend of mines did. What she did worked for her real well. First she would put on some soft music and rock her baby to sleep, she did this for about a week. It was to songs she rocked her to Sadie ( smooth operator) and a country song I can’t remember the name of it. But she did it for about a week and her baby got used to the song so she was able to put her in her swing while the music was playing and let the swing rock her to sleep. This worked wonders for her.
Comment by Liz Chadwell on Jul 02 2009 11:46:22:
Use a sling for the baby, or else get a bouncy seat for her to be nearby, get the older child involved in baby care (putting diapers in the diaper pail, carrying a bottle, etc) and life will be easier.
Comment by Jamie “resident mom” on Jul 08 2009 02:11:01:
i have a 16 monthold and a 27 month old and i am also a stay at home mom. my little one used to give me simular problems i got a baby harness and he stopped he was with me all the time yet i had both hands free to do whatever i needed to. another thing to try would also b a warm cloth or blanket under her when she sleeps
Comment by Alicia on Jul 08 2009 09:01:18:
I agree with the suggestions to wear your baby, I use an ergo carrier and a moby wrap with my 4 month old, leaving my hands free to do housework or play with my three year old. I would also recommend getting a babysitter or asking a relative to watch your kids for a little while so you can take a break. Being a mom is exhausting and really hard work, you deserve a few hours to yourself every once and a while!
Comment by mikki senior on Jul 12 2009 07:22:19:
i am a chiropractor and successfully treat babies with colic all the time, its a very gentle treament, fingertip pressure noly but it works wonders! just check whether the chiropractor is experienced in treating babies first, perhaps ask your health visitor to recommend someone they know. good luck!
Comment by aimeecovert-resident mom on Jul 25 2009 03:58:06:
i beleive the idea of a baby sling is a wonderful idea, i am pregnant with my third and it has been a roller coaster, my son is 6 and has seveare adhd so he also has tantrums and can get outa hand, my daughte is only 19 months old so she needs my atention, on top of that im 6 months along and i have on and off bed rest, i used a carrier for both my children and when chloe was small i tried to get my son involved by helping me and he had less tantrums and he wasnt getting in trouble and i could hold chloe/ or out her in the sling while i attended to my son helping with house work, you just need to find your own balance, this to me seems to be your daughters way of trying to get her mommys attention and it doesnt matter if its bad attention, because she knows she can get the rise out of you,,,try your best with involving her and giving her “helpful tasks” to do with you,,, you’ll see an improvment
Comment by Erica on Nov 18 2009 02:16:45:
I found that “wearing” my daughter helped significantly. I could get things done and she just loved it. i chose the one you could wear facing in or out. and placed her according to chores. It also allowed me free hands to play games with my son!
Comment by Jess on Feb 20 2010 05:02:43:
6 months sounds a little old for colic. We had a baby that needed to be held constantly as well…she had allergies to milk and soy and once we figured this out-she became less needy as her tummy felt better. I would suggest bringing this up to the pediatrician. Other than this, wearing her in a ergo or other carrier may help, we had an excersaucer that seemed to buy us bits of time, but ultimately I ended up learning how to do everything with her on my hip and saving the big clean up stuff for the weekends. Another option could be hiring a mother’s helper, usually a 12-14 year old neighborhood kid to come play with the kids so you can get stuff done for an hour or so….also grandma was a lifesaver for me at this age, she would come over once or twice a week just so I could clean or prep meals for the week….
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Comment by ashley on Jun 05 2009 04:57:22:
i have the same problem let me know when you find it out sorry i cann’t help
Comment by Margaret Back on Jun 08 2009 07:40:18:
I have a 6 yr old and a 21 mth old. The catalyst here is your reaction to the kids. When my daughter started screaming at 4 I calmly told her that that was not acceptable behavior and told her to go to her room. If she would not go I would carry her. I told her when she was done screaming she could join us again. I let her cry/scream for as long as she did. If she came out of her room screaming I put her back in and calmly let her know when she was done screaming she could come out again. This happened many times over many days.
She is 6 and she has not screamed for years. If that problem rears it’s ugly head again I calmly say – If you need to scream please go to your room. You can join us again when you are done screaming. AND I GO ABOUT MY BUSINESS! Not guilty for challenging her to overcome her desire to scream and have bad behaviour. This is THE best thing you can teach your child.
It works but the hardest thing is to tolerate her screaming and NOT let it impact you. Make HER feel the pain of her inappropriate behavior. As buddha says, life is suffering and once you have learned that and overcome that, life is a lot less suffering..
Comment by Mom of 2 on Jun 09 2009 02:56:36:
First it’s important to regroup. You need a breather, so that you can recollect. It’s understandable that you would feel frustrated given the circumstances. Next, it’s important to realize that your 4 yr old needs you to mommy her, because she is showing signs that having a younger sibling that is colicky and needs mommy all the time is quite possibly stressing her out. Keep this in mind also, children can pick up on how you feel, so if you feel tense or stressed, they likely will be that way too (the baby) and the may feel insecure (the older sibling). I would hope that the colick sunsides, make sure that it is within normal limitations with you MD. Aside from that, my grandmother would always say “Calm down, all babies cry and it won’t hurt them!” Again, calm down. Maybe just accepting the fact that, while you are doing certain things, like the dishes, the baby will cry, it will help to give your children the sense that mommy is still present and everything is just fine. I would also suggest carving out time for your older child, right after some time for youself, and don’t forget the DH, too! I hope things start to get smoother in your home soon. This phase will be a distant memory before you know it!
Comment by Angela on Jun 09 2009 04:18:12:
Have you considered babywearing? There are lots of types of carriers and at 6 months, you can wear her on your back. Check out babywearer.org for reviews & information…
Comment by Angela on Jun 09 2009 04:19:41:
oops gave you wrong website – http://www.thebabywearer.com/
Comment by AJ “Resident Mom” on Jun 12 2009 07:41:15:
I have 3 children. I have an 11 soon to be 12 year old daughter, 9 year old son, and a 9 soon to be 10 month old daughter. When the older two were young it was hard. Mainly because my son was and still is a “momma’s baby”, so my daughter felt left out sometimes. I realize that if I did things with the two of them like when you give the baby a bath ask your 4 1/2 year old to help. She can put the toys in the bath and play with the baby. She might like being the big sister then. She will also see that Mommy is spending time with her and needs her to help and that may help with her feeling pushed aside. One thing to remember is that when you are talking to a child always kneel down and look in their eyes on their level. Then they don’t feel overpowered. Another suggestion is when you put the baby in the swing to do dishes (if you have room)set the swing right by you and ask your older daughter to come sing with you and the baby or if she has play dishes get a bucket and have her show the baby how to wash dishes (pretending of course) just like mommy. I found with my kids that when they are little the want to be big and do what mommy does so let them in their own way and she might start to help with the baby more so you can get things done and just release some stress. Plus both children get to spend time with mommy. I hope all works out and you find the right thing to work for you and your children. Best of luck.
Comment by Mother on Jun 17 2009 09:17:12:
My children never had colic but a friend of mines did. What she did worked for her real well. First she would put on some soft music and rock her baby to sleep, she did this for about a week. It was to songs she rocked her to Sadie ( smooth operator) and a country song I can’t remember the name of it. But she did it for about a week and her baby got used to the song so she was able to put her in her swing while the music was playing and let the swing rock her to sleep. This worked wonders for her.
Comment by Liz Chadwell on Jul 02 2009 11:46:22:
Use a sling for the baby, or else get a bouncy seat for her to be nearby, get the older child involved in baby care (putting diapers in the diaper pail, carrying a bottle, etc) and life will be easier.
Comment by Jamie “resident mom” on Jul 08 2009 02:11:01:
i have a 16 monthold and a 27 month old and i am also a stay at home mom. my little one used to give me simular problems i got a baby harness and he stopped he was with me all the time yet i had both hands free to do whatever i needed to. another thing to try would also b a warm cloth or blanket under her when she sleeps
Comment by Alicia on Jul 08 2009 09:01:18:
I agree with the suggestions to wear your baby, I use an ergo carrier and a moby wrap with my 4 month old, leaving my hands free to do housework or play with my three year old. I would also recommend getting a babysitter or asking a relative to watch your kids for a little while so you can take a break. Being a mom is exhausting and really hard work, you deserve a few hours to yourself every once and a while!
Comment by mikki senior on Jul 12 2009 07:22:19:
i am a chiropractor and successfully treat babies with colic all the time, its a very gentle treament, fingertip pressure noly but it works wonders! just check whether the chiropractor is experienced in treating babies first, perhaps ask your health visitor to recommend someone they know. good luck!
Comment by aimeecovert-resident mom on Jul 25 2009 03:58:06:
i beleive the idea of a baby sling is a wonderful idea, i am pregnant with my third and it has been a roller coaster, my son is 6 and has seveare adhd so he also has tantrums and can get outa hand, my daughte is only 19 months old so she needs my atention, on top of that im 6 months along and i have on and off bed rest, i used a carrier for both my children and when chloe was small i tried to get my son involved by helping me and he had less tantrums and he wasnt getting in trouble and i could hold chloe/ or out her in the sling while i attended to my son helping with house work, you just need to find your own balance, this to me seems to be your daughters way of trying to get her mommys attention and it doesnt matter if its bad attention, because she knows she can get the rise out of you,,,try your best with involving her and giving her “helpful tasks” to do with you,,, you’ll see an improvment
Comment by Erica on Nov 18 2009 02:16:45:
I found that “wearing” my daughter helped significantly. I could get things done and she just loved it. i chose the one you could wear facing in or out. and placed her according to chores. It also allowed me free hands to play games with my son!
Comment by Jess on Feb 20 2010 05:02:43:
6 months sounds a little old for colic. We had a baby that needed to be held constantly as well…she had allergies to milk and soy and once we figured this out-she became less needy as her tummy felt better. I would suggest bringing this up to the pediatrician. Other than this, wearing her in a ergo or other carrier may help, we had an excersaucer that seemed to buy us bits of time, but ultimately I ended up learning how to do everything with her on my hip and saving the big clean up stuff for the weekends. Another option could be hiring a mother’s helper, usually a 12-14 year old neighborhood kid to come play with the kids so you can get stuff done for an hour or so….also grandma was a lifesaver for me at this age, she would come over once or twice a week just so I could clean or prep meals for the week….