New Parent » Don’t Call Me Grandma Blog

Ask Grandma: How do I get over the guilt of being a working mom?

Diane — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 20:24:36 +0000

Q. I’m a new mom who just went back to work…and I can’t get back in the groove of things! I feel so bad when I have to leave in the morning…a part of me feels like I’m abandoning my baby. It’s a tough economy now so I HAVE to work…I just don’t know how to deal with it. -Regretfully Working Mom

A. Of course you feel guilty. You have to leave your precious baby who you would love more than anything to be with most of the day. But, (and there’s always a BUT in life) we’ve lived in an environment for the past decade where both parents have to work in order to live the life they want. And in this current economy, especially! But (there it is again) I will tell you this from personal experience: You and your child will survive and thrive. I worked as a single mom for many years, and while it was definitely hard, you get through it and learn to appreciate the time you do spend with your child even more. Here’s a helpful tip: Try to be as organized as you can so that when you get home from work at night you can share quality time with the baby and your husband. Once you relax and get in a routine, you will be amazed how everyone will end up happy, especially now that you are helping to support your family. Just remember…hang in there, keep me informed, and relax.

Have a question for Grandma? E-mail her at editor@newparent.com

Ask Grandma

Diane — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:02:52 +0000

Q: My 3 year old grandson is not talking yet. I have been concerned about this and have mentioned to my daughter that maybe she have him seen by his doctor. I did speak with a speech teacher and she recommended that my daughter bring him in and have him tested. As the grandmother, I have concerns with all my grandchildren, but my oldest daughter says that I should butt out. How can she say that when my grandchildren are a part of me, too! Any comments or suggestions for me?

Yes, you should get involved. You need to bring it up in a very calm manner and express your concern about it.

You mentioned that you suggested to your daughter that he be seen by a doctor and I am curious how she reacted. Was she defensive? He might have a problem with his hearing or it might be something that can be easily corrected with therapy. Either way, something should be done. You need to have a discussion with her and the child’s father, and you might want to see who else in the family also feels the way you do………..the other grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. No parent wants to believe that something might be wrong with their child, but I feel that if it is something this obvious you should express your concern.

Please keep me updated!

Yours truly,

Grandma

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Ask Grandma

Diane — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 16:27:47 +0000

Question:
My 2 1/2 year old has become very fussy in restaurants. I love to go out to eat with him, but don’t want to embarass myself in front of the entire restaurant. Some kids seem so well behaved! Is there anything I should be doing to get him to behave?- Melissa

Grandma’s Answer:
Ahhh, I so remember those days and am reliving them with my grandchildren now. First of all, you need to set the guidelines and at 2 1/2 there needs to be some. You need to explain that there are other people in the restaurant who are there to enjoy themselves with peace and quiet during their meal. Tell them they need to express themselves in a “normal” voice tone, not screaming. Calmly explain that if they do scream, you will leave. And be prepared to really leave if they misbehave!

One thing that parents do is come up with idle threats. That is probably one of the biggest discipline mistakes that parents make and truly the most annoying one, especially for bystanders. Let me explain one thing: You might think your child is adorable, and you might think that they are the most special person in this world, but when they are acting up in the restaurant and the table next to you has to put up with it, they are not.

I have been out in a restaurant with a misbehaving child/grandchild and I have left with food on the table or even before the order came and paid and never put one morsel in my mouth. So get the rules down. Tell them what is acceptable and what is not and FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THOSE GUIDELINES! Do not give them 50 chances.

Have a question for Grandma? E-mail it to editor@newparent.com

Do Time-Outs Work?

Diane — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 11:32:48 +0000

Q. Do time-outs work? What’s the best way to discipline an unruly toddler?

Time-outs certainly can work if your toddler understands them and you enforce them. Once you see them doing something wrong, explain to them that they will get a “timeout” if they do not listen to you. If they persist, try following these guidelines:

Have a timer and start with five minutes. Put them in an area without toys (most children wouldn’t mind going to a room full of fun things to do.) They might cry during the time out, but that’s OK. If they’re not calming down or do not acknowledge doing anything wrong, you can extend the period of time depending on their age and also what they did. Remember: Don’t be one of those parents who keeps asking their child if they “want a timeout.” It’s a veiled threat that never works. You have to follow through with your actions!

Grandma Returns After a Week of Babysitting

Diane — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 22:02:12 +0000

Has anyone noticed that I was MIA? Well, I was babysitting the triplets for a week…Yes! I said a week, and yes, it turns out I am weak!

My daughter and son-in-law went on a cruise and, being the awesome grandparent I am, was of course very happy to give them that break. So what happened?

Day 1: Before the cruise even left the port I got a phone call from the school. The way they start off the phone call totally freaks you out: “Hello this is the school, the nurse needs to speak to you.” NEEDS to speak to me?? So Nurse Goodhealth gets on the phone and explains that Alec has a pain that is similar to appendicitis. Of course I immediately rush over there to pick up all the boys. I went to meet Alec in the nurse station and he was very cuddly but didn’t say anything. I got him in the car and asked if I could do any thing to make him feel better. He looked up at me in a rather St. Jude-type voice and said, “Take me to Target!!”

Yes, Target.

Now I am not a financial genius, but I think instead of investing with Bernie Madoff we should have invested in this superstore. It is the answer for every age group, and now it appears that it makes little boys with stomach aches feel better! So, of course we went there, and all of a sudden little Alec felt great with a new toy in his hand.

Day 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7? Well, it was much of the same, so I’ll spare you the details. It turned out that Alec had a little stomach bug, which involved lots of wiping and other dirty work. Overall, the triplets were well-behaved. It could have to do with the fact that we went to Target another two times during my stay. Yes, I admit it. I am a pushover.

How do I discipline my grandchild?

Diane — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 22:46:38 +0000

Q. My grandchild is three years old, and he is not a well-behaved child. I notice my son and his wife try to discipline them, but clearly something isn’t working. Can I say something or make suggestions, or should I just let them parent the way they want to?-California Grandma

A.
Well, I’m going to start off by saying “BUTT OUT.” But let me explain why. You need to put yourself in their position, and think about your own parents (or in-laws). Did you really want to take their advice? I don’t think so. Now, if you think there is something wrong with your grandchild (such as a mental disability) then that is a separate issue that will need to be addressed. But if it is a discipline problem I suggest doing this: Sit down with your son and his wife without the interruption of the baby. If you are able, bring your husband along for support.

Start off by telling them how much you care about them and your grandchild, but then express that you have concerns about his behavior and ask if they feel the same way. If they do, ask what steps they are taking to fix it, and if you can be of any help. If they ask for your guidance then go from there, but if not you will have to trust they will work on it. It can be hard, but you have to remember that as a grandparent, you are not in the driver’s seat.

Read more advice here: My Mother-in-Law Is Driving Me Crazy!

Have a question for Grandma? E-mail her at editor@newparent.com

A Night Out

Diane — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:39:04 +0000

I had dinner with with my little Ava and Lukas last night. They are so much fun to be around, and always make the best conversation. I have to say, being with them really is like hanging out with our friends, even though they are 3 and 4. That could be because our friends are close to 70 and almost wearing diapers, or it could just have to do with their maturity level.

Little Ava is such a girl, it’s hysterical. As soon as I picked her up at my son’s house, she commented about how much she liked my outfit, especially the accessories. Then, of course, we talked about her adorable little outfit, which I have to say, I’m jealous of. Our grandkids have way cooler clothes than we do! And they probably cost more.

We asked them what kind of food they were in the mood for…and the vote was for Italian. Lukas spent most of the meal with his hands in his pasta, sucking the noodles with a big smile on his face. I have to say, I wish I could do the same! My Lukas LOVES to dance, so as they played that fun, old-fashioned Italian music, he got out of our booth and put on a little dancing show for the table. Nothing beats his performances! After dinner we all went for ice cream, our post-dinner routine. Does it get any better than that?

Take note: Next week, we’ll be switching the format of this blog up, and I’ll be answering YOUR questions.

Send your parenting and grandparenting questions to me at editor@newparent.com. From disciplining grandkids, to communicating with your in-laws, there’s no topic we won’t cover!

Until then…

Dreidels, Latkes, and Karaoke

Diane — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 04:52:17 +0000

Ava, Me, and Lukas. I tried to get them to sing Barbra Streisand.

Well, we are officially upon the holiday season, and we started it off with a Chanukah party at my son’s house Sunday night.

My daughter-in-law always does an outstanding job (if you remember, she did the now infamous Thanksgiving dinner). Even though this was the first night of Chanukah, the only food item that resembled a Jewish holiday were the potato latkes. Today’s generation has said “bye-bye” to the cheap brisket of yesterday, and has replaced it with filet, which I’m thrilled with. I suggest we FORGET about brisket all together, at least until the economy heads even further south (which is probably next week).

The lighting of the candles is always such a highlight… All five grandkids gathered around the Menorah and helped light the first two candles. Thank god it was only two candles, and the triplets didn’t attempt to light the entire house on fire.

All the grandkids lighting the Menorah

I have to say, the opening of the gifts was so exciting. The triplets got a lot of race cars, and Ava, our little princess, got sweet feminine things like make-up and Barbie accessories. Not to brag (but OK, I will) the BEST gift was the karaoke machine we got Ava and Lukas. Lukas was singing, gettin’ down, and lovin’ life. I was so tempted to steal that mic from him and start wailing. Come on, we all feel like we have a great talent for singing, right?!

Meanwhile, I am on my way to SUNNY Buffalo on Wednesday to join my family for some more holiday cheer and balmy weather…I wish all of you a very happy holiday, no matter what you celebrate.

Talk to you soon!

Strike one. Strike two.

Diane — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 19:21:16 +0000

It’s T-ball season for the triplets, and I just came back from a game. The little t-ballers only play three innings, and they’re allowed to try to hit the ball numerous times when they’re up to bat, so they can feel good when they finally do hit one! I cheer like we’re at the World Series (minus the yummy pretzels and beer, however).

Of course there was bound to be some drama. At the start of the second inning my darling Dylan was convinced he had a blister and he wanted out of the game, and decided he would have more fun playing in the dirt. Then, Jared started crying and yelling that we “weren’t cheering hard enough for him.” Alec was holding his private parts (not unlike the pros) and came out of the game to pee by a tree.

By the top of the third inning, Jared is the only one left in the game…still crying in the dugout. Needless to say he provided some great background music for the rest of the game.

At the end of the game my daughter asked if I wanted to join them for dinner. Now…you know where I’m going with this. It’s 7:45. I am hungry, yes, but I’m more hungry for a glass of wine and some PEACE AND QUIET. So off I go…

No related posts.

‘Tis the Season…

Diane — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 23:14:38 +0000

Well, the holiday season is here. You’ll be happy to know I survived Thanksgiving, though not without a hitch. I mean, what dysfunctional family would be complete without some sort of holiday mishap?

Let me set the scene for you…

We were all gathered at my son’s home…18 adults and 7 children, all under the age of 8. My daughter-n-law-who is the perfect hostess- had a wonderful spread, complete with a kids table filled with decorations they had made in school, and, well…

We were nibbling at appetizers, drinking great wine, catching up with old friends, when all of a sudden one of the triplets wonders up to a guest and nonchalantly asks, “Why are you so fat?”

Silence fell upon the ENTIRE house. All I could think about was that Southwest Airlines commercial….”Gotta Get Away!”

I mean, there was nothing malicious about his question…kids are inquisitive. It was more embarassing for the adults, and all the more reason for my new invention: The Vodka IV

By this time next year, I’ll have the patent secure, and I can spend the entire dinner drinking from underneath my garments. Nobody will know, and the next holiday will be a breeze.

Have you had any holiday nightmares? Feel free to spread the wealth and share them below!