The Daily Bootie Newsletter for New Parents

The Mommy Competition




by: Blogger Karen

babyonfloor

From the featured blog, Bright Autumn Sun

It seemed that in the days leading up to having my baby, and especially after he arrived, that there was always something for another mom to criticize or say that she did differently or better, because new moms believe that what they are doing for their baby is by far the best and most amazing thing ever.

I realized that being a young, new mom and having other mom friends was a little like being in high school again. The comparisons start early: Natural birth vs. medication; Formula vs. breastfeeding; Organic fabrics vs. regular; Making your own baby food vs. buying jarred…the list can just go on and on. Once the baby is born, it’s milestones this, milestones that! I never knew I could be so obsessed with when someone would decide it was time to roll over!

My mother warned me about this competitiveness between new mothers, and I promised I wouldn’t let it affect me, but I think it’s tough NOT to,
especially in this day and age. With computers, blogs, forums, and Facebook, everyone is always posting about what their little person did that day or bragging about an achievement. Having a blog made the bragging part easy, and I recall the first time I really felt competitive was when my son said his first word, Mama, at six months old.

Little Zachary received praise from my blog post and Facebook and even the pediatrician was impressed! Being proud of your kid is a pretty powerful feeling! But at the same time, having access to all of this information (blogs, Facebook, forums, etc) and seeing what people post about their kids can have the reverse effect, too, when you realize everything that someone else’s kid is doing that yours isn’t yet. It makes you feel frustrated and wonder when your child will do that, too.

As the babies I knew got a little older and developed so many new skills so quickly, I was amazed at the differences and advances in development between so many different babies of different ages, which brought me to a realization. Even though my son had first spoken so young, he also very quickly began to crawl, then stand, and at only 11 months, he took his first steps and pretty much took off running! I knew other children his age who were talking up a storm, but couldn’t yet walk.

Babies were funny like that, weren’t they? Just little people with different strengths and weaknesses, constantly in development. I wondered why I hadn’t realized these things before, and I wished that I had. Mostly, I wished I had paid more attention to my mom’s advice, so that I wouldn’t feel badly every time I read about a milestone my child hadn’t hit yet.

It dawned on me, then, that we all complete our journeys at some point. What doesn’t matter is how long it takes or in what order – what matters is that we arrive.

All in good time for my son. All in good time. I don’t worry too much about milestones anymore. I have a happy and healthy boy and I enjoy every day with him and every little thing that he does!




author photo

My name is Karen, and I'm a wife, mother, and professional photographer in sunny South Florida. Working for myself and doing something I love is an absolute gift - and so is being able to stay home with my son! I love writing about my life and have been blogging since I was just a kid! Now I have a little boy of my own, Zachary, and I love to write about him, too. You can follow the adventures of me and my little family online at my blog, Bright Autumn Sun. See All Posts by This Author »

There Are 5 Responses So Far »

  1. I hate this competitiveness and its everywhere. I do my best not to get involved. But I do worry my soon to be 2yr old is having a problem. He only says a few words and between his ped and the MANY babies around his age we know and play with he is nowhere near where he should be. but i am not seeking help for him because while he may not be talking as much as he “should” be, he knows things…i can ask him to bring me a book and find the hiding puppy on the pages and he can. So this makes me feel like he just has nothing to say just yet. So while i worry..he is as happy as can be and active very very active.

  2. I hate it too! It seems to suck you in. Once one mom starts on my kid did… You feel you must repond. I am learning to praise that mom and keep my comments about mine to myself. We need encouragement for each other instead of a competition. I think you are so right. ALL kids are different and learn at different stages. I am a teacher and as parents would panic over the fact their child was not reading I would tell them they will each learn at a different rate. I would also tell them it could come in days weeks or hours but it will click and you will be excited! Don’t worry it will come!! I guess I need to take my own advice. It will come mommy it will come!!!

  3. This is so right on! I wrote in my book that you should go with your instincts because everybody including the post people will have an opinion on how you should do things, esp breast feeding cs formula.

    My daughter’s first birthday is coming up and I am trying my hardest not to do the whole $300 bucks big party that everyone else is doing, so I need to to come up with something good soon. Any ideas?

    Thanks!
    http://www.first-time-mums.com


  4. It doesn’t end with babies and toddlers. The competitive nature of other parents will follow you throughout your child’s life. But that sort of one-upmanship is everywhere. From the brand of stroller you use, to the neighborhood you live in, to the school your child is in, to whether they are “gifted” or not, to the car you drive, to the kind of camera you have and the, brands of purses and clothing and places you shop. Too many people are already ultra competitive by the time they have children so they’re just passing it along.

    So…can you overcome the urge to compete with those around you and be happy with what you have?

  5. Karen, I’ve been saying this for almost nine years: parenting is a competitive sport. Thanks for writing about it.

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