Life After Baby: Should You Go Back to Work?
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Going back to work after having my son was NOT something I wanted to do. I, like a lot of women, had this ideal in my head that I would be this perfect stay at home mom/wife. This included me keeping a spotless house, having dinner ready on the table at 6 sharp every night, and have plenty of free time to lounge around and be generally awesome. Unfortunately, as my due date grew increasingly closer and my stomach grew increasingly larger, my husband and I came to the conclusion that financially, I could not be a stay at home mom. We had tried to tweak our budget in every way possible, him by figuring in overtime at work, me by promising to only eat one meal a day and to cut my post-baby margarita schedule in half. Any way we looked at it, we needed two incomes.
So as a happy median, we decided I would return to work only part-time. My job didn’t want to lose me (because of that general awesomeness I mentioned), so they allowed me to hire an assistant. She would work full time, and I would work 3 days a week. We also found a great in-home daycare that would allow us to bring Lincoln part-time, and was really inexpensive, so we didn’t feel like we were wasting money by not taking him there every day. I took the standard 6 weeks off after giving birth, and it was such a great bonding period between me and my new baby. I was learning how to care for him, and he was getting used to me. Those days were fairly easy, as he slept 80% of the time. Those 6 weeks flew by, though, and before I knew it, it was time to return to work.
I can’t explain how it felt to leave him at daycare for the first time. That entire first day back at work I felt like part of me was missing. I couldn’t focus, and counted the minutes till it was time to pick him up. This went on for a while, but I finally did get used to being away from him. About that time is when we realized that babies are kind of expensive, so I started working 4 days a week. 3 months after going back to work part-time I went back to work full-time. It wasn’t a life style choice, it was a financial necessity.
Most of the time I long for the life of a stay at home mom. I relish the days I do get to spend with Lincoln, and think of how nice it would be to have that every day. But then there’s the days where work is my sanctuary, and I get to sit in solitude with no one shouting “No!” and throwing toys out the doggie door. There is no easy cookie cutter decision when it comes to being a working mom vs. a stay at home mom. If I was a woman with a flourishing career, I might be tempted to choose that career woman lifestyle. And if I knew we could live the life we’re accustomed to on 1 income, I’d probably quit my job tomorrow. You have to do what’s right for you and your family, and sometimes that decision isn’t the one you wanted to hear.
Staying Connected to Friends Without Kids..here's how to keep those post-baby bonds 
Comment by Renee on Mar 19 2010 09:49:35:
I had the amazing opportunity to stay at home with my DD for her first 9 months. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. But money is important, and so I have to leave her. I don’t know how I will handle it, but this story helps to reassure me that almost everyone else does it, and I can too!
Comment by Becky Richards on Mar 19 2010 01:04:06:
I am a stay at home mom of an 18 month old and would never have it any other way. I wouldn’t care if I had to eat shoelaces for dinner… I would never leave him in someone else’s care. Many people can afford to stay home if they REALLY look closely at their finances. If you are not willing to give up your Starbucks, cruises, and margaritas… forget it – this lifestyle is not for you. Getting back to the basics should be what really matters anyways. I am very lucky to be at home with my little one and enjoying quality time with him every day
Comment by megan on Mar 19 2010 02:35:18:
I’m a stay at home mom to my 5 month old. And it is amazing staying with her and watching her do and learn new things everyday! but some days I could go for a grown-up day, like when I go out to lunch I’m flustered on what to reply to the waitress because I’m used to talking to a dog and a baby all day, and am not used to them talking back….well in words anyway! I’ll be going back to school in the fall so I really am enjoying my time with her right now, because I imagine when I have my next baby I will have to take maternity leave and go back right away….oh it hurts to even think about. But like this article says you just have to get used to it. I feel very lucky that I don’t have to work right now and love my boyfriend for supporting us, even if that means I don’t get to live the lifestyle I was used to pre-baby.
Comment by Meli on Mar 19 2010 05:02:11:
Well said Tia. Congrats on the article. I could not agree more with your words. Cheers momma.
Comment by lenorenevermore on Mar 19 2010 09:32:46:
Change is certainly inevitable,for the better!
~well written Tia!
Comment by Caroline, resident mom on Mar 20 2010 07:00:07:
I just got married last year (March), we bought a home in July, and just had our handsome little boy in January. It isn’t always easy financially, but I grew up dreaming of the day I could be a mom and care for my children full-time, so it wasn’t hard to quit work and stay at home. Congrats on all you who can do it, despite the difficulties! I know it was the BEST thing for me and my little family, and although more children will mean more finances, I am looking forward to having a large family and remaining a stay-at-home mom.
Comment by Sarah on Mar 25 2010 06:51:16:
I work full-time and some days all I want to be is a stay at home mom. I day dream about how easy things would be if I could sleep-in later, have a clean house, play with my daughter, cook complicated meals, and just have more time in general. I do dream about that, but then I think that I went to college for a reason and I know I can make valuable contributions to my career field. I want my daughter to do the same and I have to be an example. What really matters to me is that I provide the life style I want for my child, which I couldn’t do as a stay at home mom. It’s such a hard choice and I am torn over it 50 percent of the time. One really positive thing is that my daughter has thrived in her daycare center, it has been a blessing. The women there have helped me so much in my own mothering. It has been a really enriching experience for our family.
Comment by Andrea on Feb 10 2011 11:13:34:
Tia, you only took six weeks off?! I cannot imagine how you did that. hopefully your baby was a good sleeper. I took the standard 1 year mat leave – in Canada. It was tough financially but we made it. Towards the end of my mat leave we realized I had to go back to work. I would agree, Becky, that sometimes if you really examine things, you could stay home but it would mean giving up things that affect my family directly. If we sold our house and rented a basement suite and didn’t do any extra-curricular activities (with or without kids), I’d be able to stay home. But that’s not the life we want, for us or for our kids. I went to university and am among those who really loves her job. My sister is a stay-at-home mom and she constantly has financial issues. this causes unhappiness and strife in their home. If financial issues cause so much unhappiness, how can that be good for the family unit? Sure, she can stay home but it’s a constant financial struggle. I am fortunate my boss allowed me to come back to work part-time. If I were working full-time, we’d probably have a bigger house and a better vacation but I wouldn’t give up the time I have with my 2 boys. I work 2 days at the office and 1 day at home and this gives me 4 full days with my boys every week. I think it has to be a matter of what works best for each family.
Comment by kelly on Feb 11 2011 07:44:20:
I am a stay at home mom of a 4 year old girl, 3 year old boy and another baby girl due june 2011.
In my family proper planning is a must, store specials for food, garage sales for clothes and free parks for entertainment, we are good to go. 
I was going to go back to work after my 1st was born (2006)but my employer ended up changing what he’d agreed to months earlier; so I ended up staying home with my new daughter. It worked out for the better. I like being home. I do not get some of the nicer things as soon as my friends do; but that is o.k., everything comes in time.
Comment by Ronda on Feb 11 2011 09:09:27:
I am a stay at home mom to a WONDERFUL little boy who will be 4 in July. I wanted to be a mom so bad and when the time finally came I was so happy when my hubby told me that we would be able to make it work with me staying home. Let me be the 1st to tell you that the house is not always clean and dinner is not always on the table, and there is not much free time to just sit and well sit…And I do not have all the latest and greatest like some of our friends, however I will give all of that up in a moment to be able to stay home and be the best wife and mom that I know how to be. I look forward to each and every day that he grows or does/says something new.. Being able to stay home no matter what we have had to give up is worth it 110%. I am not saying anything bad about moms that want to work, but I am hear to tell you that the fairy tale of having the clean perferct house and dinner on the table every night is just a DREAM!!!
Comment by cynthia on Feb 11 2011 09:36:57:
Im a single parent of twins and i went back to work when they were 4 1/2 months old… their father is not helping me at all and havent since the whole prregnancy… as much as i would of love to be a stay home mommy i cant because i have bills and baby necesesities i got to deal with… oh plus babysitter.. but im making it so far …
Comment by renee on Feb 11 2011 10:40:24:
I work part time and my mom watches my daughter. I love my situation. I dreamed of being a stay at home and could if I wanted.I get just the right amount of mommy time as adult time. I would stay at home if my mom wasn’t around, but part time is PERFECT FOR ME
Comment by ashley on Feb 11 2011 11:04:15:
I will be a stay at home mom anytime now. we decided together that i will stay at home. maybe go to work later. i am a nurse but not sense i became pregnant. we do not live in a new house, we do not have expensive cars, we dont own playstations or xboxes nor have that 3k dollar surround sound. all our friends that have kids or dont have kids still are in severe debt or went bankrupt just because they want the ‘nicer things’. fine by me. the only debt we have is a new car but will be paid off in 2 yrs *i am trying for sooner* there is nothing wrong with both parents working if that is what is choosen. and if one wants to stay home more power to him or her. i respect either decision greatly. i am glad to see that people atleast look at it first like we did.
Comment by kiwi on Feb 12 2011 02:22:28:
Its not really fair to say who can or can not be a stay at home mom… there is nothing in this entire world, that Id love to do more…well, except come into a lot of money… which would still lead to me being a stay at home mom. We dont have extra fluff that we do or buy – we are avid dave ramsey-ers…weve cut and cut – but I live where I work and get 75% off rent – if I stayed at home – we’d have to move and generally, not be able to make it. In these hard economic times, when a Masters degree holder is bringing in $12 an hour… I commend anyone who has the guts to go back to work, like i will have to soon – because sometimes, you do what you have to, until you are rewarded with being able to do what you want.
Comment by Becky – Resident Mom on Feb 12 2011 10:52:47:
I wanted to add that I started working part-time from home when my little one was 6 months old. There are a TON of jobs out there where you can work from the comfort of your home and make really good money. While I do not have to work part-time, I really enjoy it and it will allow me to be a stay at home mom permanently
Comment by Jazzy Silva on Jun 13 2012 05:46:27:
Reading this makes me feel so blessed and grateful that I have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. Wish it could be that easy for all the mothers out there. Great blog!
Comment by Your Baby Booty on Aug 24 2012 12:59:07:
It's tough. Our little ones grow up so fast! So many of us go through it & it's usually talked about in such general terms. "generalities" don't help us make decisions.
I’ve learned how important it is to learn specifically What has worked for moms & why, what hasn’t worked for moms & why, what moms would hands down do again, would never do again & why….details help us make better decisions.
… maybe these detailed interview will help you mamas too- http://www.yourbabybooty.com/category/interviews/.