Deciding to Stay Home
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From the Featured Blog, Old School/New School Mom
When I was pregnant, I had no idea how I would feel about leaving my baby and going back to work. At the time I was in Graduate School and I discussed the idea of how I would care for my baby with my classmates. When they asked what I planned to do, here was my standard speech:
“My parents have agreed to split the babysitting duties with my boyfriend when I go back to work. They live close and my boyfriend works nights.” This usually shut people up.
After I gave birth to my son, I loved every moment I spent with him. Even when I was delirious from lack of sleep (so exhausted that I was hysterically crying) I still wanted nothing more than to be home with my baby.
I was granted three months maternity leave from my job. When the three months were up, it was understood that I would return to work. But towards the end of my leave, I abruptly changed my plans. I quit my job and took a job closer to home so that I could be near my baby.
I was in a funny predicament. I resigned from my job and was going to start a new job in the same field, with a three month old baby at home. At the time I didn’t realize just how crazy this situation was.
The first day of my new job was really lonely. I knew no one and was expected to share an office with a complete stranger who was noticeably resentful of my existence. I was a graduate school intern, and this woman had shared office space with the previous intern. All she could talk about was how much she hated the last intern. Man, I thought to myself. I don’t stand a chance with this woman.
I was breastfeeding my son, and wanted to continue this practice despite the fact that I was working. So every three hours I had to duck into a disgusting bathroom to pump my breasts and pray that no unsavory characters walked in while I was engaged in this activity.
Most of the day, I spent either:
1. Pumping or
2. Spacing out and thinking about my baby at home
Each day I would arrive home and (I know this sounds crazy) but my son looked bigger to me. Every day he looked as if he’d grown just a little bit more. I couldn’t take it.
After a week of being miserable in this new office situation, without consulting my boyfriend, I hastily quit my job and decided that I was going to stay home with my son. It felt strange at first. I’d been working since I was 14 years old. When I found myself staying home, it was completely foreign to me. I kept thinking to myself: Is this allowed? Am I doing something wrong?
In time, I stopped feeling guilty about staying home, and realized that I really enjoyed it. I was getting to know my son, Ari. I am so grateful that I made the decision to stay home. When I think about the fact that I could’ve spent the majority of the first year of Ari’s life in an office, it makes me cringe.
Now my son is almost two years old. I started working again (on a per diem basis) when he was just over a year. I am so happy that I had the privilege to spend his first year of life with him. Not all mothers in the United States get to do this! I got to see him smile, laugh, sit up, crawl and walk for the first time.
If you’re going to have a baby, and you are considering staying home, I suggest you try to stay home for at least the first year if you can. You will have a chance to get to know your baby and learn more about yourself.
Click here to read more from the blog, From the Featured Blog, Old School/New School Mom
Just gotta try this Creamy Avocado Dip recipe via Momables.com - love how you can spread it on a sandwich in lieu of Mayo! 
Comment by Julie on Feb 18 2010 07:58:40:
What a great article! I have been either a SAHM or WAHM since my oldest was born. Truly a blessing!
Comment by Amanda on Feb 18 2010 08:28:22:
The sentiment is all well and good, but be very careful of saying things like “the baby’s father will share in babysitting duties”. I don’t care what your relationship with him is, a parent caring for a child is not babysitting, it’s raising his/her child.
Comment by Angela on Feb 18 2010 08:45:07:
I am a new mom and just recently made the decision to stay home. I am happy with my choice but some people just don’t understand the choice I made. It is hard – being a mom is not easy
And, I have to say I completely appreciate Amanda’s above comment – it is so true ‘it is not babysitting, it is raising your child’. Love it! I do make the mistake of saying it but now that I have read it maybe I will stop and think before saying it.
Comment by alicia ring on Feb 18 2010 08:46:56:
I am a home-stay mom of two wonderful boys. One is 17 months and the other is 2 and 1/2 years. I know I am a lucky woman coz I get to stay home and enjoy my little ones but at times It gets really frustrating.
Comment by Jessica on Feb 18 2010 08:52:28:
I appreciate your thoughts. I am currently struggling with this decision myself, my daughter is 8 months old. I work from home 2 days a week now but it isn’t enough and I want to be able to just focus on her while I am with her. Hope we can work it out!
Comment by Donna on Feb 18 2010 09:22:30:
What an awesome article! My own mom was a stay at home mom and it was always such a wonderfully reassuring feeling knowing that she would be there when I got home with a snack and ready homework help. I’m finishing up grad school now, and don’t have kids yet but I often think about what life is going to be like when those little ones do enter the picture. I know it’s going to be hard but I definitely want to be there for my child’s first year too! Thank you for sharing your beautiful experience with everyone!
Comment by brandi on Feb 18 2010 10:19:33:
I decided to stay at home with my daughter 3 years ago after she was born. I was supposed to go back to work after 3 months and just couldn’t leave her. My hubby was completely against it and still is kind of. But I had no one to care for her. My mother works and his mother is completely incompetent, and daycare is too expensive and out of the question. My hubby said I could work on his days off but I knew he would just pawn her off on his mom(over my dead body). Financially we’re fine but the hubby thinks I do nothing all day. His house is clean, food on the table, and daughter is perfectly happy and almost reading already. I have at least another year because I’m pregnant with baby #2 right now and he’s agreed to me being home the first year.
Comment by Sarah Fader on Feb 18 2010 11:35:15:
Amanda- Your point is well-taken about the “babysitting” term. I was writing the article from the perspective I had before I had my son. But now that I’ve actually become a parent, I realize that when either the mother or the father cares for their child it is child rearing and that’s that.
Comment by Naiara on Feb 19 2010 12:37:59:
I can completely relate to this article! I was taking classes at the university when dd#1 was born and was going to return soon after her birth. I ended up having to have gallbladder surgery when she was 4 weeks old and the doctor advised me to take the semester off. While i wasn’t taking very many classes and my mom was watching her while I was in class I’m really glad I got to stay home. It was an awesome experience to focus on her for the first 9 months of her life before i returned back to school especially being the first child. When I had ds#2 I got the opportunity to stay home with him for 5 months. I absolutely balled when I put him in daycare at 5 months old. With this pregnancy I am taking classes and she won’t officially start daycare until she’s 9 months old again. I’m excited that once I finish classes I can stay home with her and my other two kids for the summer. Of course things are much more hectic with multiple kids its well worth it. It’s probably the last summer i’ll have off before I start my program in jan. 2011. It’s amazing how motherhood changes your perspective on things!
I agree if you are considering staying home nothing like the first year or 6 months to have as a foundation of memories with your child. Looking at my 9 year old and almost 6 year old I’m amazed how quickly the baby years go!
Comment by kyndale on Feb 19 2010 02:19:13:
I couldn’t agree more Sarah! Our kids really benefit from the love we can give them in the first year (at least) at home. I am so grateful to be able to stay home with my kids. It’s funny but I too thought I was doing something wrong at first. We are so conditioned to work, work, work. It’s weird being my own boss. It’s been such a joy and challenge.
Comment by Rashmi on Feb 19 2010 12:07:07:
I have been home with my 2.5 year old and now my 7 week old and have loved every moment of it (well almost!). Along the way, I got to see the many firsts of my 2.5 year old, finished my MBA from a top school, get to serve yummy home made meals every night and focus on my website http://www.yumkid.com, which focuses on diet and nutrition for children. I am really grateful and thankful that I have had the opportunity to do this. I am really appreciative of my husband for supporting our family.
I often think about going to work when I hear of some exciting business concept etc.. but when I think about how much my husband misses out on the children’s growth, at that moment, I know I am still not ready.
Comment by Becky Richards on Feb 19 2010 02:12:51:
Being a stay at home mom is the best job in the world! Despite the fact that I graduated from college and had a very successful career, I always knew I truly wanted to be a stay at home mom. I am now living my dream taking care of my 17 month old son full time. I have been at home with him since the day he was born and I have never felt more fulfilled than I do now. I would not trade this life for ANYTHING. This is the most rewarding and fun job a person can have. Thanks for this fabulous article Sarah
Comment by Samantha on Feb 20 2010 09:38:29:
Deciding to put my consulting practice on the back burner (never coming out again anyway now) and spending the first year of my life with him is the best thing I ever did.
I could not think about a nanny or daycare for him. I know so have to and I feel so blessed not to have had that pressure.
I do now work at home running my own business (ay…mompreneur) but I have the joy of seeing my son every day.
Comment by Leigh Ann Self on Feb 21 2010 04:48:11:
I love being at home. I went back to work when my first one was three. Then I worked two years and went back to staying at home. Now we have two. So I get to put one on the bus and saty home with my two year old and be home for my son when he gets off the bus. I find it hard at times and I do question it when people look down at me or make comments that I just should go back to work. But I can never live these days over. This is what I was meant to do and our kids are so blessed when we can stay at home. I am glad I am a stay at home mom!
Comment by New Dad on Feb 21 2010 04:55:50:
What a great piece! new dads should read this too so we can begin to understand how much pressure new moms are under to balance working and being a mom!
Comment by harrietglynn on Mar 10 2010 04:48:20:
Yikes. Makes me realize how lucky we are in Canada to get a year off for maternity/parental leave. I cannot imagine going back after 3 months let alone 6 weeks…
Comment by amotherworld on Mar 10 2010 12:54:32:
Here in Canada, maternity leave is 1 year. That first year of a child’s life is so important, I can’t imagine having to return after only a few short months. Good for you for deciding to stay home.
Comment by Tésa on Mar 10 2010 07:34:51:
Having worked all my life too, I had a hard time adjusting to being a stay-at-home mom but it’s been worth it. I wouldn’t trade these years at home with the kids for anything. Deciding whether to work or stay home is such a difficult choice and only one that each mother can make for herself and her family.